“Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn’t it, of a long line of proven criminals?” – Ogden Nash
I know, it’s the end of January already the middle of February and here I am mentioning the “New Year”. I also know it’s been more than two months since my last post, which can be akin to a death knell for a blog.
But not to worry. I’m still here, still thinking, ranting, working, doing shit, and even writing.
And this is all despite a super crappy beginning to 2020, which has left me anywhere from 2 to 300 weeks behind on any and everything on my to-do list.
How crappy was the beginning of the year? Well, let me tell you. The first few days of 2020 started out okay, winter break ended, the kids went back to school after we managed not to inflict any permanent damage upon each other. And then…(insert dramatic swell of music here)
I got a cold on January 3rd. Or what I thought was a cold. A really BAD cold. Sneezing and coughing and snotting SO MUCH. Aches. Slight fever. Fatigue. The flu? Maybe. I decided the best thing I could do was rest and stay away from humanity for a couple of days. And see if a hot toddy or three would help.
Things seemed to be improving by Monday morning. I was able to get up, work, do laundry and function semi-normally. And then (insert an even more intense dramatic swell here)…
I tanked, and badly, by the end of the day. After repeating that Mom Mantra of “I’M FINE” for several hours, I reluctantly agreed to go to urgent care. The rest of my family was kind of excited because they were going to the Moe’s next door for burritos. I exacted my revenge on them by swiping a pen from the urgent care reception desk. I mean, the receptionist said I could keep it after I coughed all over it, and I figured it would be rude to not accept. (side note: there will be more on my infatuation with and collection of free pens at a later date).
My evaluation revealed that I, in fact, had pneumonia. Which I was verrrrrry skeptical about. I’ve gotten colds and bronchitis and that kind of crap, but pneumonia? For reals?? While I was yeah yeah, ok’ing the doctor, I insisted for the 27th time that day that I was FINE. And I was too busy to have pneumonia! I have work and bathrooms to clean and a writing workshop to attend tomorrow, so this pneumonia would have to just go away and leave me alone.
The doctor laughed at me and said, you’re not going to feel like doing anything. Cancel all your plans for the rest of the week, and maybe next week as well.
She wasn’t kidding. By the next morning, when I thought I should be feeling better, I instead felt like I had been slammed to the ground, beaten up, and knifed through my abdomen. With mucus pouring out of my face, and lungs that needed to be frequently and painfully cleared by coughing.
So here we are, at the end of January 2020, already in February 2020, whether you believe it’s a new decade this year or next. I’ve already told January to suck an egg. Which I wish I could have done sooner, of course, but here we are.
Will things magically transform with a flip of the calendar page? Not likely. And not only because I keep staring at the blank space on the wall that should be occupied by the 2020 calendar that I’m now two months behind in designing and ordering. It also has to do with the box of “Holiday Cheer and Happy New Year” cards have been languishing on the counter since the end of December. The silver lining is that it’s not going to matter what photos I put on the January page of the calendar, and the cards are so late in going out that it really doesn’t matter if I get them mailed next week or July.
The takeaway from all of this, for me, is that nothing is predictable or guaranteed. Don’t ever get used to things running smoothly or thinking things are going your way. The person who is able to dance between the raindrops and land, unscathed, on their feet will never be you, so you might as well accept it.
So what to do about that? Plan for every conceivable challenge? Look for every sign that adversity is coming? Catastrophize all the things? Sure, go ahead. I won’t be joining you in that effort. You’d be better off letting the knowledge that there are just things that happen in one lifetime that you will have no control over, sink in and become part of your subconscious.
What I mean is, YES, of course, have your contingency plans. If you can, have that extra cash stashed away, equip your cars with emergency kits, make sure you have water, non-perishable food and fuel stockpiled in your home, have legal things documented and accessible. But know that one cannot possibly account for every single way that any and every single day can go well or completely sideways.
Know that there may be those days, those moments, those periods of time when nothing in your life experience and knowledge base applies, and where you will have absolutely no idea what you’re supposed to do next, or after that, or even after that.
I mean, shit happens, right?
Shit sure does happen, mostly when you least expect it, and always has the absolute worst timing.
Lest you think I’m being all gloom and doom, a Debbie Downer, a storm of despondency, or a Negative Nellie, let me tell you: I could look at the beginning of 2020 as a chunk of time lost; lament the hours I wasn’t able to work, bemoan the housework and home maintenance that was left undone, be pissy about the extra effort I have to put in at work and home to catch up. But I’m not doing any of those things.
The beginning of this calendar year hasn’t been what I expected or could have in any way anticipated. But more thoughts were thunk and more plans were made and more epiphanies were experienced than would have been possible otherwise. I have no regrets or rueful emotions; in fact, I’m rather looking forward to how the beginning of 2020 can inform how I approach not only the rest of the year, but the rest of my life.
How about you, dear reader? How is this year shaping up for you? Are you looking to maintain your status quo or change things up? Have you faced any unexpected challenges? Have you adopted a new attitude, new goals, or both? What words of wisdom would you most like to pass along? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Until Next Time,
Just Breathe.
The Twisted Maven