“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need” – The Rolling Stones
If you’ve been following along, you know that I had a mutual break-up with my career a few years back. If you haven’t been following along…I had a mutual break-up with my career a few years back.
Immediately following said break-up, I became what I never thought was possible. I was a stay-at-home parent. It was fun, it was frustrating, it was liberating, it was frightening, it was delightful, and it was humbling, to say the least. While I did my best in this new role as an unemployed spouse and mother, I concurrently made efforts to find employment, since our household income had just been cut in half.
I applied to countless positions similar to the one I had held in my former occupation. I had also applied to countless job postings that were somewhat similar in qualifications to my former occupation. In addition, I applied to anything that sounded interesting, that may have been slightly related to what I did in my former occupation. And, I applied for jobs that sounded okay, for which I had no relevant experience, but may have led to decent discounts (in other words, retail jobs).
There were some “thanks but no thanks” emails, there were a few freelance writing and editing jobs that I was able to do periodically for very little compensation, and there was complete radio silence with respect to most of the other jobs I applied to.
I will be honest; the loss of my career, which had defined how I had spent most of the previous two decades, caused me to become somewhat unmoored. I wasn’t sure of who I was, who I should be, what I should do, what I could do. So when I say “somewhat unmoored”, I mean my psyche really fucking suffered.
And then…
Serendipity happened.
I became an advocate and coach for Girls on the Run. In case you don’t know, Girls on the Run is a non-profit organization dedicated to the physical and emotional well-being of girls during the time of their lives when they need it most, from 3rd to 8th grade.
And as it turned out, being a coach for Girls on the Run enabled me to hold onto ME. Instead of being completely aimless and unscheduled, I was able to spend time every week planning sessions and implementing them with my fellow coaches. Which enabled me to use those few planned hours as a basis from which to make the rest of my weekly schedule.
I was even able to secure some part-time employment as a substitute teacher and as a facilitator of after-school and summer science programs, which (after so long of working in an office and far away from even my own children), I found surprisingly enjoyable.
And then…
Earlier this year, and after applying on a whim, I found employment that was really meaningful. I was working at one of the first jobs I truly loved, teaching and caring for the toddler set, which was so educational and uplifting.
Shortly after I started that job, an opportunity crossed my path. And I almost didn’t acknowledge it, because I was in this position where I loved getting up for work every single day, and loved my coworkers–both the adult ones as well as the under-5 set.
But this opportunity that happened…I decided to dust off my resume and apply. Why? Because the little voice in my head, the same one that had led me to seek out a job at the daycare, told me that it was time, once again, to step out of my comfort zone.
What I realized during my pursuit of this opportunity, is that being a coach for Girls on the Run had impacted my thinking and worldview more than I had understood previously. I no longer dwelled on feelings of self-doubt and unworthiness, and had been able to silence negative self-talk. Instead, I was existing in a state where I felt confident and joyful in what I was doing every day. Working in the preschool/daycare also lifted me. Being able to show up and give my best to tiny humans who deserve nothing less, was an incredibly satisfying and healing experience.
Once I learned to quiet the noise that negative thoughts and feelings can bring, I found that the path was clear. It must be noted that if I didn’t get this particular job, I was still happy with what I was doing, every single day. And I don’t discount the contribution that made toward my confidence.
With respect to this new opportunity that came along, I found myself able to focus on the attributes that made me an excellent candidate, and the skills and gifts I could bring to this position.
And yes, I did get the job. I’ll talk more about that in a future post, because I have a LOT to say about it!
So for now, I want to encourage everyone to listen to that little voice that speaks to you on occasion. I had stifled that voice for so long, in pursuit of a career that ultimately didn’t want me, and the subsequent floundering and existential crises that followed.
I’m sure many of you know this already, but it sure has taken me a damn long time to figure it out for myself: just like unhappiness, self-neglect and doubt can feed on each other to bring you further down, the opposite is also true.
It can take a monumental effort to overcome and put yourself back on the path to fulfillment and joy, and I’m still very much working on the achieve my best self. I’d say I’ve managed to pull myself up to “doing pretty good”, which is tremendous progress from the low point of “everything sucks and I’m not getting out of bed today”.
A very wise person once told me, when I was at that low point and confided how I was bogged down in my own emotional and mental crap, “Just do one thing. One thing per day. And then you’ll find that once you get that one thing done, you’ll be able to do another thing. The hardest part is just starting to do that one thing, but you can do it. You can.”
That wise person was right. And if I could do it, you can too. So again, listen to that little voice, take a step outside your comfort zone, float with the wind,and see what happens. I believe in you!
Until next time…
Just Breathe.
The Twisted Maven
© 2019, The Twisted Maven