Holiday Archives - The Twisted Maven

New Year New…Ah, Nevermind.

Pretty accurate representation of how I looked most of January 2020.

“Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn’t it, of a long line of proven criminals?” – Ogden Nash

I know, it’s ~~the end of January~~ already the middle of February and here I am mentioning the “New Year”. I also know it’s been more than two months since my last post, which can be akin to a death knell for a blog.

But not to worry. I’m still here, still thinking, ranting, working, doing shit, and even writing.

And this is all despite a super crappy beginning to 2020, which has left me anywhere from 2 to 300 weeks behind on any and everything on my to-do list.

How crappy was the beginning of the year? Well, let me tell you. The first few days of 2020 started out okay, winter break ended, the kids went back to school after we managed not to inflict any permanent damage upon each other. And then…(insert dramatic swell of music here)

I got a cold on January 3rd. Or what I thought was a cold. A really BAD cold. Sneezing and coughing and snotting SO MUCH. Aches. Slight fever. Fatigue. The flu? Maybe. I decided the best thing I could do was rest and stay away from humanity for a couple of days. And see if a hot toddy or three would help.

Things seemed to be improving by Monday morning. I was able to get up, work, do laundry and function semi-normally. And then (insert an even more intense dramatic swell here)…

I tanked, and badly, by the end of the day. After repeating that Mom Mantra of “I’M FINE” for several hours, I reluctantly agreed to go to urgent care. The rest of my family was kind of excited because they were going to the Moe’s next door for burritos. I exacted my revenge on them by swiping a pen from the urgent care reception desk. I mean, the receptionist said I could keep it after I coughed all over it, and I figured it would be rude to not accept. (side note: there will be more on my infatuation with and collection of free pens at a later date).

My evaluation revealed that I, in fact, had pneumonia. Which I was verrrrrry skeptical about. I’ve gotten colds and bronchitis and that kind of crap, but pneumonia? For reals?? While I was yeah yeah, ok’ing the doctor, I insisted for the 27th time that day that I was FINE. And I was too busy to have pneumonia! I have work and bathrooms to clean and a writing workshop to attend tomorrow, so this pneumonia would have to just go away and leave me alone.

The doctor laughed at me and said, you’re not going to feel like doing anything. Cancel all your plans for the rest of the week, and maybe next week as well.

She wasn’t kidding. By the next morning, when I thought I should be feeling better, I instead felt like I had been slammed to the ground, beaten up, and knifed through my abdomen. With mucus pouring out of my face, and lungs that needed to be frequently and painfully cleared by coughing.

So here we are, ~~at the end of January 2020,~~ already in February 2020, whether you believe it’s a new decade this year or next. I’ve already told January to suck an egg. Which I wish I could have done sooner, of course, but here we are.

Will things magically transform with a flip of the calendar page? Not likely. And not only because I keep staring at the blank space on the wall that should be occupied by the 2020 calendar that I’m now two months behind in designing and ordering. It also has to do with the box of “Holiday Cheer and Happy New Year” cards have been languishing on the counter since the end of December. The silver lining is that it’s not going to matter what photos I put on the January page of the calendar, and the cards are so late in going out that it really doesn’t matter if I get them mailed next week or July.

The takeaway from all of this, for me, is that nothing is predictable or guaranteed. Don’t ever get used to things running smoothly or thinking things are going your way. The person who is able to dance between the raindrops and land, unscathed, on their feet will never be you, so you might as well accept it.

So what to do about that? Plan for every conceivable challenge? Look for every sign that adversity is coming? Catastrophize all the things? Sure, go ahead. I won’t be joining you in that effort. You’d be better off letting the knowledge that there are just things that happen in one lifetime that you will have no control over, sink in and become part of your subconscious.

What I mean is, YES, of course, have your contingency plans. If you can, have that extra cash stashed away, equip your cars with emergency kits, make sure you have water, non-perishable food and fuel stockpiled in your home, have legal things documented and accessible. But know that one cannot possibly account for every single way that any and every single day can go well or completely sideways.

Know that there may be those days, those moments, those periods of time when nothing in your life experience and knowledge base applies, and where you will have absolutely no idea what you’re supposed to do next, or after that, or even after that.

I mean, shit happens, right?

Shit sure does happen, mostly when you least expect it, and always has the absolute worst timing.

Lest you think I’m being all gloom and doom, a Debbie Downer, a storm of despondency, or a Negative Nellie, let me tell you: I could look at the beginning of 2020 as a chunk of time lost; lament the hours I wasn’t able to work, bemoan the housework and home maintenance that was left undone, be pissy about the extra effort I have to put in at work and home to catch up. But I’m not doing any of those things.

The beginning of this calendar year hasn’t been what I expected or could have in any way anticipated. But more thoughts were thunk and more plans were made and more epiphanies were experienced than would have been possible otherwise. I have no regrets or rueful emotions; in fact, I’m rather looking forward to how the beginning of 2020 can inform how I approach not only the rest of the year, but the rest of my life.

How about you, dear reader? How is this year shaping up for you? Are you looking to maintain your status quo or change things up? Have you faced any unexpected challenges? Have you adopted a new attitude, new goals, or both? What words of wisdom would you most like to pass along? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Until Next Time,

Just Breathe.

The Twisted Maven

This Thing I Call “The BLAH”

“While nothing good lasts forever, nothing bad does, either.”

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“Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering, ‘It will be happier'” – Alfred Lord Tennyson

Oh, here it is, the New Year. When everyone is over their holiday hangovers and food comas; joyful and/or tense celebrations with family are but an ever distant memory; and hey look, the 20 pounds of cheese and carbs consumed between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve has landed anywhere and everywhere between your chin and ankles.

Not only that, but if you live in most of the northern hemisphere, there’s snow, slush, grey skies, short days and cold weather. Which, if you’re one of those avid skiiers, snowboarders, or other lovers of winter weather, it might be fine. But for the rest of us mortals, it pretty much sucks and we think you’re weirdos.

(side note: if you live someplace where snow, slush, grey skies and cold weather are non-existent, please invite me to stay with you for January through March sometime. I won’t charge you for my pleasure of my company, and I’ll even let you feed me)

I don’t know about you specifically, dear reader, but I do know that many people feel this sense of what could be termed as sadness, despair, or ennui…basically just an over all BLAH state of mind after the holidays. Those of you who do feel this way, you need to know that it’s not just you, and I’m not saying this just to try to make you feel better or invalidate your mental and emotional state. Rather, I’m saying this because I want you to know that I know.

I’d be a lying liar if I said that I’m feeling all rainbows and sunshine right now. I am not without personal struggles. I have them, and they’re not always easily solvable or insignificant. I do my best to deal with everything life throws my way with kindness and humor, but yes, of course there are days that I cry for hours and throw my hands up in desperation and struggle to put one foot in front of the other. And this time of the year tends to amplify my BLAH.

So here it is. No one should have to go through whatever shitstorm they’re experiencing alone. It can take a giant amount of bravery to reach out for help, but if you’re hurting or in need, please please do so. In the first draft of this post, I included a note to contact me if you need to vent, because I am a good listener. However, I realized that might be a rather odd offer, and honestly, I just don’t have the emotional capacity or time to open my listening ears to just anyone. I’m sure you understand. Besides, I don’t have many words of wisdom. What I mostly have are funny memes, stupid jokes, and a lot of fucking swearing.

So if you’re feeling stuck in the BLAH, a great move would be for you to contact a close friend or family member, and just talk. The people you know are likely far more willing than you realize to listen, and to help. And if you don’t have anyone with whom you can have this kind of discussion with, I’d encourage you to reach out to a professional who can help you work through your thoughts and emotions, and who has much better knowledge and methods in their toolbox than the fart jokes in mine.

Aside from reaching out to try to alleviate your own BLAH, you might want to listen to who is reaching out to you. You might just be someone else’s lifeline. And, according to science, helping others does increase our own happiness. I’d say that’s a win-win type of thing, yes?

Something I have learned throughout my journey thus far, is that sometimes we need to embrace the BLAH and go right through it. But there is no need to do it alone.

And at times, there is more knowledge and comfort in the clouds and rain than the sunniest of sunny days.

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Because, without rain, how do we grow?

Last thought for this entry: remember that while nothing good lasts forever, nothing bad does, either.

Until next time,

Just Breathe…

The Twisted Maven

Nah, Humbug!

Oh look at this adorable puppy my kids are absolutely not getting for Christmas.

“Three phrases that sum up the Christmas spirit are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill Toward Men and Batteries Not Included.” – Anonymous.

No matter what particular phase of life I have been in; child, teenager, adult, in a relationship, single, before kids, with kids, whatever – I have ALWAYS loved Christmas.

Regardless of being a non-practicing nothing currently, and earlier generations having been kind of sometimes sort of religious, Christmas, from the time I was little, has always been a very secular celebration. There may have been the occasional creche mixed in among the lights and ribbons and nutcrackers, but this holiday has always been primarily about three things: family, food, and traditions.

When I was a small child, Christmas morning always started out at home with presents, stockings, eggs and bacon. Then we would travel to my maternal grandparent’s home, along with a bunch of aunts, uncles, cousins, and family friends we called aunts and uncles. There was a roast, mashed potatoes, creamed peas and canned pears dyed green and red with cottage cheese. There were Bloody Marys for the adults, the Chipmunks Christmas Album on the record player/radio/liquor cabinet console, and one kid or another constantly crying and/or being disciplined.

Side story: one time, my dad got sufficiently annoyed at his mother in law and pretended to have an urgent errand to run. I was fortunate enough to go on this “errand”, bolting out of the front door behind my dad, and in front of my grandmother’s admonishment to put a hat on or risk my brains freezing. The errand ended up being a short trip to one of my dad’s aunt’s homes, where the smell of garlic permeated the air and we walked on plastic runners and sat on plastic covered couches and I was given big bosomy hugs and affectionate face squeezes like only an Italian auntie can give. When we returned, it was like we never left. At least one kid was sulking, Dave was still yelling at Alvin, and lots of people and noise filled the house.

When my family moved to New Jersey from Upstate New York, it was just the five of us most Christmases. Let’s call those “The Quiet Years”.

Then, as will happen with the passing of time, my brothers and I grew up and moved away. I got married and had a kid, and my parents followed me here to Connecticut. My brothers also got married, and their families currently live in Pennsylvania. Both of my brothers also have non-traditional work schedules, where one usually has to work holidays and the other could be called into work on a moment’s notice. So that all led to some ingenuity of how to celebrate the holidays.

Now, a week or two before actual Christmas, my brothers and I and our families gather at my parents’ house and exchange gifts, rank on each other, laugh a ton, and eat all the food. My children get to see their aunts and uncles and cousins (which, as of this writing, includes two canines and a super cute one-year old human), my parents get to have all of their kids and grandkids in one place at the same time, and it’s magical chaos, just like when I was a kid.

(To quote my Dad: here we are keeping with the solemn tradition of formal family Christmas portraits)

And, of course, there are the traditions that have been established in my own home over the years. One of which is to buy a Christmas tree, bring it home, and leave it outside for several days. This year, we might break the previous year’s record of 6 days. Another is to place the gingerbread houses that my children spent several hours decorating, on top of a cabinet at adult eye level. And then forget about them until well into January. And of course there’s the damn Elf on a Shelf, named Rico. Most nights, he moves…sometimes, he’s just “too embarrassed” by their “behavior” and doesn’t want to “tell Santa”, so he stays put for a night or four.

The most recent tradition that I’ve embraced is allowing my nine-year-old to be in charge of Christmas decorations. Put this under the category of Stuff I Used to Have Nailed Down But Now Lack the Energy and Will to Deal With. I have an extensive collection of Christmas decorations, including indoor and outdoor lights, outside inflatables, placemats, candleholders, nutcrackers, dishes, kitschy decorations, signs, garland, and the largest collection of holiday-themed dishtowels you will ever see.

My girl, who is undoubtedly the one person in this house who is completely in the Christmas spirit, doesn’t give a crap about most of those things. This year, she made approximately 350 paper snowflakes and taped them on the walls of EVERY SINGLE ROOM IN THE HOUSE. I kinda love it. She also arranged my nutcrackers in a group, without rhyme or reason, and called it “Nutcracker Village”. I had to move a few so no one would break their neck trying to open the pantry. And she incorporated her lego people, whom she has all named and identified as family members, into her decorating efforts.

Someday, these current traditions will be modified. Someday, once again, my decorations will be organized and put out in a timely manner. Someday, “Alternate Christmas” might not be a thing. Someday, Christmases may be quieter. So I’ll take the pile of nutcrackers, the legos, the paper snowflake decorations, the noise and chaos of the celebration with my siblings even though it’s not “actually” Christmas. Because, to me, it “actually” is what Christmas is all about. Family, food, and traditions, along with love, laughter, and things being what they are, regardless of how we want them to be.

My very best wishes to you and yours this holiday season, however, whomever, and whatever you celebrate.

I’ll be talking to you soon, and in the meantime…

Just Breathe.

The Twisted Maven

PS. I would LOVE to hear about your holiday traditions, celebrations, frustrations, anecdotes, and anything else you’d like to share. Please comment below, send me a message, and don’t forget to follow, share and like on social media!