Stress Management Archives - The Twisted Maven

Things to do While You Stay the F**k at Home (to keep your sanity and yourself and your loved ones safe)

What is there not to get? Stay the f**k at home!

“Let me embrace thee, sour adversity, for wise men say it is the wisest course.” – William Shakespeare

There are strange times.

I haven’t left the house in sevenfortyteenpotato weeks, except to stock my parent’s fridge and pantry before they returned from Florida, and a couple of Sunday drives. I’m exhausted, my roots now indicate that I am WAY more grey than I thought I was, my hands are red and raw from constant washing, I eat a lot of snacks, and ooof, my poor liver. At least two of those things were already going on before COVID-19. I’ll leave it to you to guess which two.

So you could say that it’s been pretty serious between me and this whole shelter-in-place/self-quarantine/social distancing thing. So serious, in fact, that I have been REALLY frustrated with people flouting the requirements and recommendations coming our way daily.

I saw a little piece on social media about not judging people who are just trying to go about their normal lives in order to save their sanity during this pandemic. Something about some lady who needs to buy something non-essential so she’s not depressed, and something else about some guy who needs to buy something else non-essential so he doesn’t drink, something about don’t judge people who are trying to cope by going out and doing completely unnecessary things and risking the health and well-being of everyone they come in contact with, and themselves.

I commented; maybe I shouldn’t have, and usually I don’t, but I did. I respectfully disagreed (well, I SAID I respectfully disagreed, anyway), and noted that there is hardly anything that people cannot buy online during this time, and that there are so many other things to do besides going out and shopping for things that aren’t critical to survival. I suggested reading, walking in the woods, contacting family via Skype or Zoom or FaceTime, learning a new skill by watching videos online, getting virtual therapy, etc. My main point being that going out and about shopping for things is selfish and dangerous.

Holy moly, did I get blasted. How dare I! The responses mostly brought up grocery shopping, which I was definitely not referring to. I was accused of privileged thinking, because some people may not have the means to buy goods online. Someone replied that, hardly anyone in their town has been diagnosed and no one has died, so even though they’re immuno-compromised, they were going to continue go out and do will make them happy. And of course the guy who simply said: Jennifer, that’s BS. While I’m not exactly sure what he meant by that, I’ll just say YOU’RE BS, Mark. Whatever.

Lots of I/me/mine in those responses. Which kind of proved my point. Look, I am finding this just as difficult, heartbreaking, frightening and frustrating as anyone else. Has this taken a toll on my mental health? Is it difficult? Do want to curl up into a ball and not surface until this is all over? Yes, yes and YES. However, what I’m *not* going to do is go out into the world to do unnecessary things in an attempt to make myself “feel better”. I’m staying home, doing whatever I can do to cope, because the risks exponentially outweigh the benefits.

I did some thinking, some research, and came up with a small list of things one can do to occupy any free time* they may have instead of leaving the house and endangering themselves, their loved ones, and complete strangers.

*I understand that many, many people don’t actually have more free time right now, they have less (myself included). Maybe some of these activities would occupy your kids when they finish their remote learning by 2pm and you have a work deadline, or when you find yourself itching to get back to your weekend Bed Bath and Beyond/Home Depot/Target runs.

Sleep. Not an easy option for parents of young kids, but for the rest of us? Take that nap! Sleep in! Go to bed early instead of forcing yourself to tackle that one more task!
Listen to podcasts while you’re cleaning, cooking, folding laundry, staring into space waiting for this all to be over. Some of my favorites include:
- You Are Not So Smart
- How To (with Charles Duhigg, author of The Power of Habit)
- Anything from Crooked Media, including Pod Save America, With Friends Like These, and Lovett or Leave It. (Qualifier: these are mostly political podcasts that lean heavily left, but if that’s your jam, then you will find them as equally informative and amusing as I do.)
- ologies
- Stuff You Should Know
Clean up your emails. As of the moment that I am typing this, I have 66,669 unread emails in my main personal account. So if you have sent me an email to my yahoo account at any point in the past 5 years, and I haven’t responded, you might want to resend. Also, I will, at some point, take the time to unsubscribe and delete stuff.
Spoil yo’self. I know I’m talking to a specific demographic here, but you know the hand treatments, facemasks, bathbombs, nail polishes, hair dyes, foot lotions, makeup you’ve bought but never used? USE THEM. Well, check the expiry dates first…although I’ve found that those are generally just a suggestion.
Color. Remember a couple of years ago when adult coloring became a thing? If you do, then you likely have a coloring book or two, plus some markers or colored pencils or crayons sitting on a shelf or in a closet somewhere. It is a soothing activity, almost meditative if you allow it to be. Also, you can find all sorts of free coloring pages on the internet, if you have access to a printer! Check out Crayola’s site for coloring pages for kids, Just Color for pages for older kids/adults, or hit up Pinterest.
Since we’re pretty much not allowed to go anywhere, what better time to plan your dream vacation? My favorite travel blog is We3Travel; it not only covers the usual family destinations, but it’s got TONS of information on unique destinations. It’s also got gorgeous photography, honest reviews, must-see/do/eat lists, trips by type (e.g., Mother-Daughter trips, Family trips), links to other travel sites AND a free downloadable vacation planner for kids. Incorporate geography and social studies into your children’s remote learning, without them even knowing it!
Are you a reader? Goodreads is a treasure trove of book lists, reviews, and connection to other bibliophiles. Prefer e-books? Check out BookBub for daily deals, recommendations, and author updates and info. Some of the books they offer daily deals on are as low as FREE, hello! Chirp is the same concept, but for audiobooks. Your local library also likely has e-book borrowing.
PURGE! Tackle one room at a time, and decide what to keep, what to donate, what to recycle and what to toss. Click here for my take on purging and organizing.
Learn a new language or brush up on your high school French. Duolingo is one of the most popular free online language learning platforms and is widely used even by schools so kids can practice at home. Bilingua is also a free platform, which operates as a “language exchange”, pairing up people who want to learn each other’s languages. If you want to invest in language learning software, there is also Rosetta Stone, which has price points ranging from around $10/month for 2-years of access to $299 for unlimited, unending access.
Bummed that your favorite personal athletic events are being cancelled all over the place? Some race organizers have transitioned to a virtual platform, where you will still receive your bib and bling, but you have to self-report. Other venues are offering highly discounted or free virtual races.
Do good deeds. Check in on an elderly neighbor. Draw/write positive messages on your driveway or sidewalk. Sew facemasks for medical workers. Support restaurants by ordering takeout and tip generously. Donate to local non-profits, who are being hit really hard during this time.

Coloring page courtesy of Girls on the Run International; awesome coloring job by yours truly.

Lastly, just stay home as much as humanly possible. The sooner we get through this, the sooner we get through this. What I’m saying is, don’t be a selfish turd. Stay safe, stay healthy, STAY HOME!!!

Until Next Time…

Just Breathe

The Twisted Maven

©The Twisted Maven, 2020

THE PURGE

“Cleaning the house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing” – Phyllis Diller

My imagined view of any room in my home.

Here’s the truth, and you know it: most of us hold onto too much crap and allow our homes to become cluttered. It’s not something that happens quickly, but over a few decades of life. From where I sit, in my office, at my computer, I can see albums and boxes of photographs (none of which have are from the past decade); a full set of china on display in a cabinet (I didn’t want formal china, but I gave in to pressure from older people and registered for it when I was getting married) (by the way, the fancy formal china has been used maybe five times in the past 16 years), a bin of craft supplies, a stack of 500 index cards, 30 pens and markers and pencils, four notebooks, six different objects with imprints of my children’s feet/hands when they were infants, and about a million tchotchkes placed every other available surface.

That’s a lot, and that’s just what’s in front of me right now. I decided about a year ago that a huge PURGE was necessary, so I’ve been going room by room in this not-very-big house of mine. I was partly inspired by the KonMari Method, and partly by the legendary comedian George Carlin, who joked (I’m paraphrasing) that our houses are just a places to keep our stuff, while we go out and work to get more stuff, until we need a bigger house to store all our stuff.

Honestly, I don’t need more stuff. I need less. Sure, at times I’ve felt pressure to “upgrade” my home to something that is more spacious, more fancy, with more rooms and a larger driveway and bigger everything. But when I dig deep into my emotional well, I realize I don’t need a house with more or bigger or larger right now. I just want this house to be more organized, and I’d like to shed the stuff that isn’t needed or wanted.

As for the KonMari Method, it postulates that anything that doesn’t bring you joy should be discarded. From old college tees to kitchen gadgets to stuff you stashed away for future use; all of it should be taken out, examined, and either found an accessible place in your home or thanked and discarded. For the stuff you keep, it should be stored and organized in specific ways; for instance, t-shirts should be folded and stored upright instead of flat, and old boxes should be re-purposed as drawer organizers.

In the course of writing this, I have also discovered the concept of döstädning, or Swedish Death Cleaning. This decluttering method does not have all the rules and processes that the KonMari Method has. It’s underlying message is this: don’t leave a freaking mess of your things for your family to deal with when you die.

And although I have reached a point in life where I think every illness, pain and momentary physical discomfort signals my imminent death, which of course my internet searches confirm, I decided that I can hold off on the Death Cleaning until at least my next round of organizing and cleaning, after my kids are no longer kids.

But overall, I can get on board with the concept of purging my home of items that are unused, grown out of, and unappreciated.

Well, except for the clothes that I haven’t worn in a few or more seasons, but I swear I will if I ever don’t wear only the same 7 pairs of sweats/leggings during the colder months, the same 6 pairs of shorts during the hotter months and the same 3 pairs of pants that don’t reach my ankles during the in-between seasons (what are we calling them now? cropped? capris? clam diggers?). Along with my various graphic, athletic and regular cotton tees. And an occasional sweater.

One side note; the idea of discarding everything that does not bring me joy is a little…I don’t know…extra. Dustrags don’t bring me joy, but they’re necessary. The sump pump that prevents my basement from flooding doesn’t make my heart skip a beat, but yet, I need it. I view toilet cleaner with dread, but again, I can’t NOT have it.

There are some things that I’m actually good at getting rid of, such as dried up markers (on the day I happened to realize a whole bin of dried up markers resided in my living room), and pieces of paper. I recycle the shit out of pieces of paper, even ones that I really need but don’t realize it until approximately three minutes after the recycling has been taken out.

Um. That’s it, really. I have a lot of things of sentimental value, tchotchkies I’ve picked up along the way, kids’ artwork from birth until now that I’m loathe to part with, pens from every bank, hotel and vendor I’ve ever breezed by, notebooks (I have a thing for volumes of blank paper), random stuff that finds its way into my home and never leaves, and anything I’ve ever gotten for free. Or even for some effort.

I will also admit, I am a collecter (hoarder) of books; I love books. I love my hardcover books with their dustcovers intact that haven’t even been read yet as much as those that have been read multiple times with broken in spines. I love the ebooks on my tablet and I never ever delete any of them; I love my paperback books with their ratty covers and busted up spines and questionable debris smudges on the pages (pizza grease? coffee stains? boogers?). Bottom line: I’m keeping my books.

However, one of the things that the KonMari Method insists on is getting rid of books. That no home should have more than thirty. I’m sorry, but anyone who would put a limit on the number of books I have in my home can just take that negativity and go elsewhere.

So even though I won’t throw out books and I have a large bin of more broken and unbroken crayons than any human could ever use, I have made progress, using the TM (Twisted Maven) Purge Method. Which looks like this:

Any time that my schedule (and that means: when I’m not working, sleeping, schlepping children, or doing other shit) allows, I take a corner, a closet, or a section of a room, and I start tossing what I find there in different directions.

One pile is recycling. This typically consists of two-plus year old New York Times Magazines that I truly meant to read; random pieces of paper such as notes about appointments, tasks, draft drawings and cryptic messages that I’ll never figure out the meaning of (along with really important information that I need…see above); old single use water bottles that creep up on me my from my office, underneath car seats and hidden in a pile of mismatched socks on my dresser, and; anything else I happen to come across that has a recycling triangle.

Another pile is for designated Passing Along. I have family and friends with younger children to whom I can to pass along some really awesome stuff that my daughters enjoyed when they were younger.

Yes, there is a garbage pile, but I try to keep the amount of stuff that I straight up discard to a future in a landfill to a minimum. This pile consists of anything I cannot recycle or pass along. Mostly random crap like pieces of string, dried up play-doh, anything gotten by twisting a quarter for a “prize” out of a metal chute, and, well, garbage.

And then there’s the donation pile, which typically ends up being the largest, because I hold onto shit for too long. And although I have donated clothes and household items to large charity organizations previously, I decided to try to seek out more local sources for items I no longer want or need.

To that end, I currently have a job that enables me to bring in toys, books, music and other kid-friendly materials that are no longer or have never been used in my house. I get to enjoy them, in some cases, all over again, with super amazing tiny humans that aren’t related to me!

I have also found local Facebook groups can be key to turning your discards into another persons’ treasure.

There are local “Upcycle” and “Free” sites, but the one I like the most is my local “Buy Nothing/Sell Nothing” group. If you do nothing else with your life on the day you read this, please please check out if such a group exists in your community. If so, then JOIN. If not, then consider creating your own.

The concept is simple. If you have stuff you want to get rid of, post it on the site. If you have things you need, ask on the site. But what makes this a little different is the concept of creating a feeling of community, of offering up and asking for not just material objects.

Besides actual items, other things that can be offered/asked for on a Buy Nothing/Sell Nothing site: transportation for elderly/handicapped individuals, excess produce from a home garden, volunteers for a community clean-up, plantings for/from one’s yard, coupons for infant formula, pet sitting, event tickets, and so on.

In addition, I’ve seen people who have received items turn around and offer them back up when they are ready to pass them along. And, occasionally, people get to know and befriend people from their own neighborhood and beyond. And you can’t put a price on human connection.

Personally, I was able to find good homes for board games, kitchen gadgets, office items, clothing, and other miscellany. It also gave me an outlet to dispense some humor with my item descriptions. The feedback I received that I made someone laugh or smile meant more to me than ridding my closet of my purged items.

The items I didn’t have any takers on were bacon-muffin molds. They’re still languishing in my closet, awaiting the next purge round.

That said, I feel like I may have just landed on my first giveaway. I know and you know you want these bacon muffin molds. Send me a PM or comment below about why you deserve these pieces of magic more than anyone. I’ll pick a winner based on the messages that amuse me most, and will send them with no cost to you. I’ll announce the winner previous to my next post.

Take-aways: we accumulate too much crap. We should get rid of our excess crap. Someone else might be able to use our crap that we do not want or need. Give local. Don’t do a death purge until you’re reasonably certain that you’re actually dying…but then, only of old age.

Until next time,

Just Breathe…

The Twisted Maven

Staying Informed Without Becoming Disconnected – A Guide

“It’s easy to be cynical about American politics. It’s more important not to be.” – Andy Dunn

If you’re sort of like me, those clever social media algorithms have got your feeds chock full of political posts. Along with ads for products or services that you’ve only thought about in passing and then BOOM, there’s ads for clothing, skin care products, and men’s underwear that purports to keep the Senate and House high and dry and in their proper places alongside the Executive Branch.

If you’re actually like me, whenever you check your social media pages or email, you are barraged with the the crazy, unbelievable, shocking, mostly-true-but-sure-some-is-exaggerated, awful things happening in our society because of, encouraged by, or not discouraged by, the current U.S. administration. Or, if you’re on the other side of the political spectrum, how freaking awesome our current president is. (Personal aside: he’s not freaking awesome.)

And if you are me, you’ve found yourself overwhelmed by all of the information, but you keep reading, taking mental notes, checking sources, sharing, and before you know it, it’s time to make dinner and you’re so mentally exhausted that cooking something that doesn’t involve the microwave is just too much.

I have been thisclose to being burnt out on news and politics and social issues for longer than I care to admit. But my inner voice, my inner liberal, feminist voice keeps urging me to stay vigilant, keep up the good fight, and for heaven’s sake DO SOMETHING! But…what do I do? How do I do it? Where do I start? What can I do? I could seriously spend all of my time being an activist and advocate, but my family would be homeless and how would I get anything else done?

If you’ve been asking yourself any of these questions, regardless of the side of the political aisle you are on, please read on, because I’ve got some suggestions on how to stay informed and be an advocate for your social and political beliefs, without neglecting the entire rest of your life.

Seek out what amuses you.
For me, this is a big priority, as I wrote about recently. If I go a day without laughing, it’s a really bad sign for those around me. I have a couple of friends with whom I exchange punny jokes, other friends who send me hilarious memes nearly every day, family members who send me pictures and videos of what they’re up to (I have really adorable and hilarious human nieces as well as some adorable and hilarious doggos in my family), and groups and individuals that I communicate with in various forums who keep me informed, grounded and can make me giggle until I snort or cry or both.

Know your news sources.
Please do this. There is so much information out there, and it is easy to read piece after piece that you get yourself in a tizzy and can’t even tell what is fact and what is opinion.

There have been several charts in circulation that indicate where several news sources fall on the factual and political leanings spectrum, such as the one created by Media Bias (Google it!). If you want unbiased and thorough news, you can see which sources are the strongest in that area. If you want to read stuff that reinforces your personal, completely biased and narrow worldview, then head all the way to the right or the left (okay, but please don’t do that).

Personally, I stick with the as-thorough-and-unbiased-as-possible as my go-tos, as well as my verification sources for information I may read from sources outside that bubble.

Be present.
This isn’t very difficult, but it also isn’t very difficult to NOT be present. I’ve done it. I’ve read an article that someone has shared, based solely on the headline, then the comments on the article, then the comments on my friend’s post, then I’ve had to comment, and then counter comment, and then…well, you get the idea. So, I’ve been putting the phone down more. Being 100% present for whatever task needs my attention, for my kids, for actual conversations with other human beings.

Okay, maybe 93% present. Because there are definitely those moments when my kid is going on and on and on and on and ON about some minute detail of their day while I’m daydreaming about having a nanny to listen to these inane one sided conversations while I’m sipping cocktails poolside. But truthfully, shutting down the outside noise during family time has definitely benefited all of us.

Use your time wisely. Instead of getting into a heated argument with a person who is on the complete opposite end of the social and political spectrum with you on someone else’s feed whom you barely know, do something that actually makes a difference, no matter how small. The number of people who have completely reversed their thinking in a comment thread probably hovers around zero. And for crap’s sake, if you absolutely MUST comment, don’t call names and stick to facts.

So what to do? Call your local and state representatives and let them know how you feel about what is going on. Just do a quick internet search, and you will be able to quickly find information about contacting your politicians and where they stand on issues important to you. Also, seek out organizations that represent issues that are important to you, and contribute to their cause, be it through a monetary donation, signing a petition on their behalf, following any suggestions they may have to otherwise support them, or just be aware of what may happen to affect them and determine what you can do to help. These activities take minutes, and are much more productive than getting angry at a stranger or even a friend or family member.

Another thing to look for are local social and/or political groups. I was led to one in my community, and one of their priorities is to connect people with the causes most important to them, not sending everyone everywhere to do everything. So I let them know, my top priorities are women’s reproductive rights and protection of the environment. And that’s where my energies with this group are focused. Not all day, all the time, but a purposeful, focused effort, WHEN I AM ABLE.

Do something that makes a difference.
I’ve just started by sixth season coaching Girls on the Run in my community. And I can say that, besides passing my stellar genes along to my daughters, this might be the best thing I’ve ever done. Giving my time and attention to these kids has changed my life, and hopefully theirs as well. Now, this particular effort of mine is definitely a time investment, but there are other things you can do that cost minimally in time, expense, and effort, but that can make a difference.

For example, my kids and I do what we call a “reverse advent calendar” in December. Every day, my kids would open their Lego advent calendar, and then go to the pantry and find a non-perishable food item to put in a basket. After the holidays, we brought the goods to the local food pantry. It took seconds out of our days, just a little money out of my wallet, and about 15 minutes to drive it to the food pantry to drop it off.

In addition, my kids and I are planning a garden now, to be implemented in the spring, so that we can make a difference in our own lives by being more self-sufficient, eat healthy things, and hopefully gain an appreciation for the work involved and the reward of growing our own food.

Take care of yourself.
You should do this all the time anyway, but in case your soul is feeling heavy from what feels like all the insanity around us, and your body is feeling heavy from eating all of your feelings (guilty…sooooo guilty), give yourself a break. Take a yoga class, get outside when the sun is shining, make sure you get enough sleep, keep in touch with people, read good books, drink enough water, move your body and eat your veggies!

Do you have other suggestions for staying aware but keeping balance? If so, please leave them in the comments section! And please like and share!

Until next time,

Just Breathe…

The Twisted Maven

This Thing I Call “The BLAH”

“While nothing good lasts forever, nothing bad does, either.”

Canva - Person Holding Red Box

“Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering, ‘It will be happier'” – Alfred Lord Tennyson

Oh, here it is, the New Year. When everyone is over their holiday hangovers and food comas; joyful and/or tense celebrations with family are but an ever distant memory; and hey look, the 20 pounds of cheese and carbs consumed between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve has landed anywhere and everywhere between your chin and ankles.

Not only that, but if you live in most of the northern hemisphere, there’s snow, slush, grey skies, short days and cold weather. Which, if you’re one of those avid skiiers, snowboarders, or other lovers of winter weather, it might be fine. But for the rest of us mortals, it pretty much sucks and we think you’re weirdos.

(side note: if you live someplace where snow, slush, grey skies and cold weather are non-existent, please invite me to stay with you for January through March sometime. I won’t charge you for my pleasure of my company, and I’ll even let you feed me)

I don’t know about you specifically, dear reader, but I do know that many people feel this sense of what could be termed as sadness, despair, or ennui…basically just an over all BLAH state of mind after the holidays. Those of you who do feel this way, you need to know that it’s not just you, and I’m not saying this just to try to make you feel better or invalidate your mental and emotional state. Rather, I’m saying this because I want you to know that I know.

I’d be a lying liar if I said that I’m feeling all rainbows and sunshine right now. I am not without personal struggles. I have them, and they’re not always easily solvable or insignificant. I do my best to deal with everything life throws my way with kindness and humor, but yes, of course there are days that I cry for hours and throw my hands up in desperation and struggle to put one foot in front of the other. And this time of the year tends to amplify my BLAH.

So here it is. No one should have to go through whatever shitstorm they’re experiencing alone. It can take a giant amount of bravery to reach out for help, but if you’re hurting or in need, please please do so. In the first draft of this post, I included a note to contact me if you need to vent, because I am a good listener. However, I realized that might be a rather odd offer, and honestly, I just don’t have the emotional capacity or time to open my listening ears to just anyone. I’m sure you understand. Besides, I don’t have many words of wisdom. What I mostly have are funny memes, stupid jokes, and a lot of fucking swearing.

So if you’re feeling stuck in the BLAH, a great move would be for you to contact a close friend or family member, and just talk. The people you know are likely far more willing than you realize to listen, and to help. And if you don’t have anyone with whom you can have this kind of discussion with, I’d encourage you to reach out to a professional who can help you work through your thoughts and emotions, and who has much better knowledge and methods in their toolbox than the fart jokes in mine.

Aside from reaching out to try to alleviate your own BLAH, you might want to listen to who is reaching out to you. You might just be someone else’s lifeline. And, according to science, helping others does increase our own happiness. I’d say that’s a win-win type of thing, yes?

Something I have learned throughout my journey thus far, is that sometimes we need to embrace the BLAH and go right through it. But there is no need to do it alone.

And at times, there is more knowledge and comfort in the clouds and rain than the sunniest of sunny days.

action-adult-clouds-1583582

Because, without rain, how do we grow?

Last thought for this entry: remember that while nothing good lasts forever, nothing bad does, either.

Until next time,

Just Breathe…

The Twisted Maven

Twisted Maven Intro – Part 1

How I used to envision adulthood…all green grass and blue skies and fluffy white clouds.

“I planned to take over the world, but I’m tired.” – Unknown

Greetings and welcome to The Twisted Maven! Come on in and hang out for awhile. Curl up on my couch, enjoy a glass of wine or a cup of tea, but please leave your shoes at the door. My aim is to make you comfortable, but not so much that you feel free to muck up my space. It’s already mucked up enough. Besides, we’ve got some things to discuss, all of us, about this Mess in the Middle.

By way of introductions, I was born in the 1970’s, came of age in the 1980’s, grew into adulthood in the 1990’s, got married and procreated in the 00’s, so I’m currently in the years between helping my children and parents with their toileting. Too old to go out anywhere that has a dance floor and a DJ, but still a few years away from my complimentary AARP magazine subscription. You get the idea. I am existing on a day-to-day basis, with lots of balls in the air and even more on the ground that I’ve dropped along the way.

I’m at that point in life where I’m attempting to let go of the past, live in the present, while still planning some for the future. I have kids who still need me, parents who are showing signs of needing me more, a desire for an organized home and schedule, a fairly wicked sense of humor, a love of facts, the obligation to provide some sort of income to my household, and a propensity for using curse words as often as I breathe.

I’m also a pop culture junkie, most knowledgeable about random facts dating from my parent’s childhood in the 1950’s to right about the exact second I gave birth for the second time in 2009. And, I am a big fan of quality food, drink, coffee, movies, television that costs money, and music of most kinds.

I’m in a constant state of being pulled in all directions to the point of shattering, while simultaneously feeling enough pressure from all sides that I often feel crushed to the point of being completely compacted, unable to move. Above all, I’m just freaking tired. All. The. Time.

I’m waiting to reclaim all of my limbs and senses, and for that crushing pressure to lift and finally reveal the sparkle of the me-diamond that has been under construction for so long. I’m sure there’s a single German word for all of this, but my google searches have yet to find it.

So why “The Twisted Maven”? Because I have enough life experience and education, both academic and self-started, to consider myself someone who may have something relatable to say, as well as some semi-useful knowledge to pass along. And I’m also self-aware enough to know that I’m generally a culmination of my failures, but yet, I’m still standing, and even thriving in some areas. I am the master of my life; it’s a chaotic, ridiculous, tiring thing, but yet, I love it. That’s the “Maven” part.

The “Twisted” part? Well, if you’re looking for some amazing Pinterest-worthy creations or tone-deaf articles that purport to help you live a happier, more organized, productive and beautiful life, you’re not going to find that here. There’s already enough of that kind of stuff out there to make you feel shitty about your life. Rather, I’m a truth teller about how I manage this Mess in the Middle. What I aim to do is let you know that I feel you, and I’m with you in the trenches. I appreciate and understand the drudgery.

What I aim to do is help us all acknowledge and laugh at the things that we can’t control, allow us to realize how to control the things we can without losing our shit, and learn to know the difference between the two. I’m all about hacks that actually work, camouflaging disasters, calling bullshit wherever and whenever I see it, learning as much as I can about as much as I can. And, most of all, laughing and singing and crying like there’s nobody watching.

This whole life thing is a complicated bit, no matter where you are located in it. Why not celebrate our beautiful catastrophes, and have a laugh while we’re at it?

Stay tuned, as there is much, much more to come. In the meantime…

Just Breathe.

The Twisted Maven