Things to do While You Stay the F**k at Home (to keep your sanity and yourself and your loved ones safe)

What is there not to get? Stay the f**k at home!

“Let me embrace thee, sour adversity, for wise men say it is the wisest course.” – William Shakespeare

There are strange times.

I haven’t left the house in sevenfortyteenpotato weeks, except to stock my parent’s fridge and pantry before they returned from Florida, and a couple of Sunday drives. I’m exhausted, my roots now indicate that I am WAY more grey than I thought I was, my hands are red and raw from constant washing, I eat a lot of snacks, and ooof, my poor liver. At least two of those things were already going on before COVID-19. I’ll leave it to you to guess which two.

So you could say that it’s been pretty serious between me and this whole shelter-in-place/self-quarantine/social distancing thing. So serious, in fact, that I have been REALLY frustrated with people flouting the requirements and recommendations coming our way daily.

I saw a little piece on social media about not judging people who are just trying to go about their normal lives in order to save their sanity during this pandemic. Something about some lady who needs to buy something non-essential so she’s not depressed, and something else about some guy who needs to buy something else non-essential so he doesn’t drink, something about don’t judge people who are trying to cope by going out and doing completely unnecessary things and risking the health and well-being of everyone they come in contact with, and themselves.

I commented; maybe I shouldn’t have, and usually I don’t, but I did. I respectfully disagreed (well, I SAID I respectfully disagreed, anyway), and noted that there is hardly anything that people cannot buy online during this time, and that there are so many other things to do besides going out and shopping for things that aren’t critical to survival. I suggested reading, walking in the woods, contacting family via Skype or Zoom or FaceTime, learning a new skill by watching videos online, getting virtual therapy, etc. My main point being that going out and about shopping for things is selfish and dangerous.

Holy moly, did I get blasted. How dare I! The responses mostly brought up grocery shopping, which I was definitely not referring to. I was accused of privileged thinking, because some people may not have the means to buy goods online. Someone replied that, hardly anyone in their town has been diagnosed and no one has died, so even though they’re immuno-compromised, they were going to continue go out and do will make them happy. And of course the guy who simply said: Jennifer, that’s BS. While I’m not exactly sure what he meant by that, I’ll just say YOU’RE BS, Mark. Whatever.

Lots of I/me/mine in those responses. Which kind of proved my point. Look, I am finding this just as difficult, heartbreaking, frightening and frustrating as anyone else. Has this taken a toll on my mental health? Is it difficult? Do want to curl up into a ball and not surface until this is all over? Yes, yes and YES. However, what I’m *not* going to do is go out into the world to do unnecessary things in an attempt to make myself “feel better”. I’m staying home, doing whatever I can do to cope, because the risks exponentially outweigh the benefits.

I did some thinking, some research, and came up with a small list of things one can do to occupy any free time* they may have instead of leaving the house and endangering themselves, their loved ones, and complete strangers.

*I understand that many, many people don’t actually have more free time right now, they have less (myself included). Maybe some of these activities would occupy your kids when they finish their remote learning by 2pm and you have a work deadline, or when you find yourself itching to get back to your weekend Bed Bath and Beyond/Home Depot/Target runs.

  1. Sleep. Not an easy option for parents of young kids, but for the rest of us? Take that nap! Sleep in! Go to bed early instead of forcing yourself to tackle that one more task!
  2. Listen to podcasts while you’re cleaning, cooking, folding laundry, staring into space waiting for this all to be over. Some of my favorites include:
    • You Are Not So Smart
    • How To (with Charles Duhigg, author of The Power of Habit)
    • Anything from Crooked Media, including Pod Save America, With Friends Like These, and Lovett or Leave It. (Qualifier: these are mostly political podcasts that lean heavily left, but if that’s your jam, then you will find them as equally informative and amusing as I do.)
    • ologies
    • Stuff You Should Know
  3. Clean up your emails. As of the moment that I am typing this, I have 66,669 unread emails in my main personal account. So if you have sent me an email to my yahoo account at any point in the past 5 years, and I haven’t responded, you might want to resend. Also, I will, at some point, take the time to unsubscribe and delete stuff.
  4. Spoil yo’self. I know I’m talking to a specific demographic here, but you know the hand treatments, facemasks, bathbombs, nail polishes, hair dyes, foot lotions, makeup you’ve bought but never used? USE THEM. Well, check the expiry dates first…although I’ve found that those are generally just a suggestion.
  5. Color. Remember a couple of years ago when adult coloring became a thing? If you do, then you likely have a coloring book or two, plus some markers or colored pencils or crayons sitting on a shelf or in a closet somewhere. It is a soothing activity, almost meditative if you allow it to be. Also, you can find all sorts of free coloring pages on the internet, if you have access to a printer! Check out Crayola’s site for coloring pages for kids, Just Color for pages for older kids/adults, or hit up Pinterest.
  6. Since we’re pretty much not allowed to go anywhere, what better time to plan your dream vacation? My favorite travel blog is We3Travel; it not only covers the usual family destinations, but it’s got TONS of information on unique destinations. It’s also got gorgeous photography, honest reviews, must-see/do/eat lists, trips by type (e.g., Mother-Daughter trips, Family trips), links to other travel sites AND a free downloadable vacation planner for kids. Incorporate geography and social studies into your children’s remote learning, without them even knowing it!
  7. Are you a reader? Goodreads is a treasure trove of book lists, reviews, and connection to other bibliophiles. Prefer e-books? Check out BookBub for daily deals, recommendations, and author updates and info. Some of the books they offer daily deals on are as low as FREE, hello! Chirp is the same concept, but for audiobooks. Your local library also likely has e-book borrowing.
  8. PURGE! Tackle one room at a time, and decide what to keep, what to donate, what to recycle and what to toss. Click here for my take on purging and organizing.
  9. Learn a new language or brush up on your high school French. Duolingo is one of the most popular free online language learning platforms and is widely used even by schools so kids can practice at home. Bilingua is also a free platform, which operates as a “language exchange”, pairing up people who want to learn each other’s languages. If you want to invest in language learning software, there is also Rosetta Stone, which has price points ranging from around $10/month for 2-years of access to $299 for unlimited, unending access.
  10. Bummed that your favorite personal athletic events are being cancelled all over the place? Some race organizers have transitioned to a virtual platform, where you will still receive your bib and bling, but you have to self-report. Other venues are offering highly discounted or free virtual races.
  11. Do good deeds. Check in on an elderly neighbor. Draw/write positive messages on your driveway or sidewalk. Sew facemasks for medical workers. Support restaurants by ordering takeout and tip generously. Donate to local non-profits, who are being hit really hard during this time.
Coloring page courtesy of Girls on the Run International; awesome coloring job by yours truly.

Lastly, just stay home as much as humanly possible. The sooner we get through this, the sooner we get through this. What I’m saying is, don’t be a selfish turd. Stay safe, stay healthy, STAY HOME!!!

Until Next Time…

Just Breathe

The Twisted Maven

©The Twisted Maven, 2020

Gratitude Raditude

“Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.” – Henry Ward Beecher

I don’t get a lot of opportunity to spend time alone in the car at this point in my life, but when I do, and it’s for more than 15 minutes, I’m listening to podcasts. Some of my favorites include You Are Not So Smart (because I like learning about how our brains mess with us), With Friends Like These (because I like hearing points of view that vary from mine in a respectful, non-hostile manner), Pod Save America (because I crave information and humor in and about our current political climate), and Freakonomics.

In case you are unfamiliar, Freakonomics basically takes apart, analyzes, and explains stuff. Like gender differences in the workplace, why people hate flying (and why they shouldn’t), how to be more productive, why you should get enough sleep, and one I listened to a couple of years ago, “Why Is My Life So Hard?”.

Among other things, it discusses the broad topic of gratitude. It’s not much of a secret that purposefully practicing gratitude, something as simple as a daily notation of something that one is grateful for, demonstrated benefits. Aside from just making sense, there is research that documents those benefits of gratitude, including improvements to relationships, physical health, mental health, self-esteem and sleep habits, as well as reduced aggression and heightened empathy.

So with all of those benefits, why isn’t EVERYONE practicing gratitude daily? Why is something so easy not widely practiced? Well, for one, our brains aren’t wired that way. In relation to the practice of gratitude, this Freakonomics episode discusses something called the “Headwinds/Tailwinds Asymetry”, which is also the title of a research paper published by a couple of really smart psychologists, Tom Gilovich and Shai Davidai.

The gist of headwinds/tailwinds asymmetry is that it’s easier for people to ignore the good things in their lives, to take them for granted (“tailwinds”), while giving more of their energy and attention to perceived obstacles and negatives in their lives (“headwinds”).

Why? Because we don’t have to pay attention to those things that make our lives good. We generally simply adapt our world view to make the good things part of the background, what is just assumed to be a part of our lives. Gilovich and Daviai call those “the invisibles”, the things that we can and should be grateful for, but often just don’t see.

This resonated with me, and I picked up a book, called “Micro-Resilience”, written by Bonnie St. John and Allen P. Haines. Chapter 4 is titled “Reframe Your Attitude”, which discusses the benefits of positive thinking and the science behind it, and provides suggestions and resources to help diminish negative thoughts and enhance positive ones, and how that can bring about actual change in one’s life.

All of this is to say that I am grateful (see what I did there?) that I have come across some resources that delve into the science of gratitude and positive thinking. Because, honestly it is something I struggle with; I’ve started and stopped what I intended to be a daily gratitude journal about 6 times. And each time, without fail, I have dropped it after my fifth non-consecutive entry of “I am grateful for coffee”.

I now recognize that it is far easier for me to overlook the importance of the “invisibles” in my life (e.g., my children have access to a quality education, I am able to afford a mortgage payment, I have single-stream recycling, I have internet access most of the time) than the perceived obstacles (e.g., everything that I wish I had more of, less of, or better than it is now).

So now I’m going to try to take a moment every day, or at least once or twice a week and really think about some of the apparent and invisible things I’m grateful for. And I’m not going to treat it as a self-inflicted obligation. I will attempt to recognize the tailwinds more, and not dwell so much on the headwinds. And just see what happens.

Grateful for this one (almost) every dang day…

Lastly, dear reader, I’d love to know if you practice gratitude regularly, how you do it, and if you get caught up in your headwinds.

Until next time,

Just Breathe…

The Twisted Maven

©thetwistedmaven.com 2019