Category: Life

Job Loss = Life Gain

“The Universe will lead me to where I’m supposed to be.”

I agree that I am more than any career or job I may have.

“I am, after all, an adult, a grown man, a useful human being, even though I lost the career that made me all these things. I won’t make that mistake again.” – Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

Losing a job can be, and is, so many different things.  For some, it’s a wake up call. For others, it’s complete devastation. Or it’s an opportunity to explore new options.  Or a door closing. Or the chance to retire early. Or the time to develop hobbies and work on languishing home projects. Or the loss of health insurance.  Or the cue get back in the game. Or, perhaps, a combination of any/all of the above.

I’m no stranger to job loss. I started working at a very young age, and had about 15 different jobs by the time I graduated from college.  But the first job I recall being fired from was post-college. While trying to find a job in my major, I took a job at a clothing retailer.  I was a model employee; I organized the shelves and racks, assisted customers on the floor, processed purchases and returns, and followed the company guidelines regarding appearance and attitude to a T.

Then, one day I wasn’t feeling great but went to work anyway, and got progressively sicker during the day. It was a weekend shift, which meant it was moderately busy, and there were three of us on the floor. I hinted at leaving early because I was sneezing and coughing all over the cash register and customers, and I was told no. So, FINE, being the mature 21-year old that I was, I sucked it up and stayed. And then whined incessantly that I wanted to leave. Because of that mature 21-year old thing I had going on.

This apparently annoyed the “assistant manager”, who had literally just graduated from high school a few months earlier. That’s right, a large chain retail clothing store was left in the questionably qualified hands of an 18 year old boy, with a pissy barely adult me and an actual adult woman was just there for the paycheck.  Whilst I was complaining about how awful I felt, the manager-boy came up to the register and told me to shut up and do my job. And not in a kind way.

Now, those who know me well can anticipate how I reacted to that. My own family members wouldn’t dare speak to me like that. And while I don’t remember exactly what I said, it was probably along the lines of “f*ck you”. What I DO remember is being told that if I was going to have THAT kind of attitude, I could leave.

It was a bluff, an attempt to shut me up, to humiliate me in front of the long line at the register. So I looked at the customers, looked at my fellow cashier, smiled at that child in his too-short tie and “assistant manager” tag, and walked out the door. Now that I think about it, I don’t know that it was so much getting fired as it was quitting. Either way, I never went back.

Believe it or not, I did manage to land on my feet after the Great Retail Walkout, and even crafted a relatively decent career that lasted for two decades. I even went to graduate school!  Yay me!

But then, a few years ago, I had what could be described as a mutual breakup with my 20+ year career. Was I devastated? Yes and also no. The devastation came well before my actual departure, when the career I had spent so many years building stagnated and started to backslide, and I felt completely powerless. Once the self-doubt and despondency took up permanent residence in my psyche, I could no longer find joy or purpose in what I was doing. So to be honest, when I was offered and accepted a separation from my job, what I felt was relief.

After my career and I had our conscious uncoupling, life became very different.  I was at home for the first time since my kids were born, which was equal parts wonderful and aggravating. The joy in being able to spend so much time with my kids was counterbalanced with…spending so much time with my kids.

  • Typical of when I ask to get a nice picture of the two of them.

I’ve also been able to take on various part time employment and volunteer opportunities that have been fun, challenging, incredibly fulfilling, and even life changing.

I’ve facilitated after school and summer science programs, which involves bringing the magic of science to elementary school children.  I’ve been able to teach lessons about how our world works, along with engineering, math, the universe, light, heat, optical illusions, critical thinking, and the science of farts. Farts!

I’ve also worked as a substitute teacher, which has provided me with many memorable and enjoyable and eye-opening moments. To sum up: teaching math to 5th graders is hard, middle schoolers are kind of the worst, high schoolers are the easiest, and kindergartners, with all their snot and tears and nose picking, are still absolutely my most favorite people ever ever. Because they’re cute.

More importantly, I’ve been able to attend more events for my daughters, as well as volunteer to help with their sports teams and other activities. And one of the most important things I have been able to do is volunteer for Girls on the Run. Stay tuned for more about this amazing organization.

So while I was thinking about this piece, I listed out all of the jobs that I can remember, going all the way back to 9th grade when I packed rice containers for a Chinese restaurant. In addition to the jobs I’ve mentioned above, my working life has also included restaurants and bars, retail, the deli where I lost a small section of my left pinky in the meat slicer, offices, night club promotions (giving away cigarettes in bars at the Jersey Shore, circa 1992…holy moly do I have stories for weeks…), non-profits, freelance writing, editing, and transcribing, and who knows what’s next??

All told, there are over 20 different types of jobs that I’ve had, which makes the number of actual jobs that I’ve had total somewhere in the 30’s. That seems like a lot to me, is that a lot? I don’t even know.  

At this point, I feel like I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. But being granted the gift of time in order to explore what makes my soul happy and to dedicate more of myself to my family has been pretty incredible. Opportunities have presented themselves to my open eyes and ears continually, as recently as this week. While I’m not particularly into mysticism or other weird shit, I have been feeling like The Universe will lead me to where I’m supposed to be, and it will likely be nothing like where I’ve been.

Until next time,

Just Breathe…

The Twisted Maven

Laugh After Wrath

“In the interest of keeping my sanity, I’ve been relying on bad jokes.”

“Just scream! You vent, and the body feels good after a good old yell.” – Carol Burnett

Okay, here’s the thing: I’ve been stuck in The BLAH for a few weeks now, and I am just done with it. I thought maybe writing about it would help, and it did, albeit temporarily.

I guess it’s partly the time of year, since it’s still all cold and dark and spring is still forever away. I’m also feeling kind of oldish, as I’ve recently realized that I recognize fewer and fewer “celebrities” listed in those stupid listicles that I JUST HAVE to read. Plus my back always kind of hurts and acid reflux is an enemy to be battled daily. And I really need to dust.

To be honest, a big contributing factor to my BLAH is current events and politics. The state of things have me thisclose to LOSING MY FRICKING MIND.

The glut of information we have at our fingertips is incredible. The glut of MISinformation we have at our fingertips is astounding. And the number of people who will share blatant falsehoods and then defend their bullshit to anyone who tries to correct them is infuriating. Some days it feels like everyone is yelling and angry all the time, and civil discourse between people who disagree has all but disappeared.

Look, I am totally guilty to falling down the rabbit hole of news outlets and social media posts. And recently, I’ve been especially guilty of consuming lots of news and opinions that make me furious. Which means I’ve been in an almost constant state of facepalming, punctuated by frequent bouts of dismay and anger.

Me, after spending three hours, or maybe just five minutes, on Twitter.

In the interest of keeping my sanity, aside from screaming into the void, I’ve decided it’s time to take a breath and look for the funny. I can always find memes that make me laugh, but recently, bad jokes have been what lifts my mood. Some call them “Dad Jokes”, but to be honest, I’m the one telling them in my household.

So, as a temporary distraction from news and politics, I offer you the following:

Dude 1: “Bro, you want to see, this pamphlet?” Dude 2: “Bro, sure”

What do you call an overweight psychic? A four-chin teller.

What fish is just two sodium atoms? 2 Na

What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut? I’m a cashew.

A cheetah and a lion race. The cheetah wins, and the lion says, “You’re a cheetah!”. The cheetah says, “Nah, you’re lion.”

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.

How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it!

The difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $2.00, but deer nuts are under a buck.

Finally, this favorite: Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.

That last one is legendairy.

Until next time…

Just Breathe…

The Twisted Maven

This Thing I Call “The BLAH”

“While nothing good lasts forever, nothing bad does, either.”

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“Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering, ‘It will be happier'” – Alfred Lord Tennyson

Oh, here it is, the New Year.  When everyone is over their holiday hangovers and food comas; joyful and/or tense celebrations with family are but an ever distant memory; and hey look, the 20 pounds of cheese and carbs consumed between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve has landed anywhere and everywhere between your chin and ankles.

Not only that, but if you live in most of the northern hemisphere, there’s snow, slush, grey skies, short days and cold weather. Which, if you’re one of those avid skiiers, snowboarders, or other lovers of winter weather, it might be fine.  But for the rest of us mortals, it pretty much sucks and we think you’re weirdos.

(side note: if you live someplace where snow, slush, grey skies and cold weather are non-existent, please invite me to stay with you for January through March sometime. I won’t charge you for my pleasure of my company, and I’ll even let you feed me)

I don’t know about you specifically, dear reader, but I do know that many people feel this sense of what could be termed as sadness, despair, or ennui…basically just an over all BLAH state of mind after the holidays.  Those of you who do feel this way, you need to know that it’s not just you, and I’m not saying this just to try to make you feel better or invalidate your mental and emotional state.  Rather, I’m saying this because I want you to know that I know.

I’d be a lying liar if I said that I’m feeling all rainbows and sunshine right now.  I am not without personal struggles.  I have them, and they’re not always easily solvable or insignificant. I do my best to deal with everything life throws my way with kindness and humor, but yes, of course there are days that I cry for hours and throw my hands up in desperation and struggle to put one foot in front of the other. And this time of the year tends to amplify my BLAH.

So here it is. No one should have to go through whatever shitstorm they’re experiencing alone.  It can take a giant amount of bravery to reach out for help, but if you’re hurting or in need, please please do so.  In the first draft of this post, I included a note to contact me if you need to vent, because I am a good listener.  However, I realized that might be a rather odd offer, and honestly, I just don’t have the emotional capacity or time to open my listening ears to just anyone. I’m sure you understand.  Besides, I don’t have many words of wisdom.  What I mostly have are funny memes, stupid jokes, and a lot of fucking swearing.

So if you’re feeling stuck in the BLAH, a great move would be for you to contact a close friend or family member, and just talk.  The people you know are likely far more willing than you realize to listen, and to help. And if you don’t have anyone with whom you can have this kind of discussion with, I’d encourage you to reach out to a professional who can help you work through your thoughts and emotions, and who has much better knowledge and methods in their toolbox than the fart jokes in mine.

Aside from reaching out to try to alleviate your own BLAH, you might want to  listen to who is reaching out to you.  You might just be someone else’s lifeline. And, according to science, helping others does increase our own happiness. I’d say that’s a win-win type of thing, yes?

Something I have learned throughout my journey thus far, is that sometimes we need to embrace the BLAH and go right through it. But there is no need to do it alone.

And at times, there is more knowledge and comfort in the clouds and rain than the sunniest of sunny days.

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      Because, without rain, how do we grow?

Last thought for this entry: remember that while nothing good lasts forever, nothing bad does, either.

Until next time,

Just Breathe…

The Twisted Maven

Nah, Humbug!

Oh look at this adorable puppy my kids are absolutely not getting for Christmas.

“Three phrases that sum up the Christmas spirit are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill Toward Men and Batteries Not Included.” – Anonymous.

No matter what particular phase of life I have been in; child, teenager, adult, in a relationship, single, before kids, with kids, whatever – I have ALWAYS loved Christmas.

Regardless of being a non-practicing nothing currently, and earlier generations having been kind of sometimes sort of religious, Christmas, from the time I was little, has always been a very secular celebration. There may have been the occasional creche mixed in among the lights and ribbons and nutcrackers, but this holiday has always been primarily about three things: family, food, and traditions.

When I was a small child, Christmas morning always started out at home with presents, stockings, eggs and bacon. Then we would travel to my maternal grandparent’s home, along with a bunch of aunts, uncles, cousins, and family friends we called aunts and uncles. There was a roast, mashed potatoes, creamed peas and canned pears dyed green and red with cottage cheese. There were Bloody Marys for the adults, the Chipmunks Christmas Album on the record player/radio/liquor cabinet console, and one kid or another constantly crying and/or being disciplined.

Side story: one time, my dad got sufficiently annoyed at his mother in law and pretended to have an urgent errand to run. I was fortunate enough to go on this “errand”, bolting out of the front door behind my dad, and in front of my grandmother’s admonishment to put a hat on or risk my brains freezing. The errand ended up being a short trip to one of my dad’s aunt’s homes, where the smell of garlic permeated the air and we walked on plastic runners and sat on plastic covered couches and I was given big bosomy hugs and affectionate face squeezes like only an Italian auntie can give. When we returned, it was like we never left. At least one kid was sulking, Dave was still yelling at Alvin, and lots of people and noise filled the house.

When my family moved to New Jersey from Upstate New York, it was just the five of us most Christmases. Let’s call those “The Quiet Years”.

Then, as will happen with the passing of time, my brothers and I grew up and moved away. I got married and had a kid, and my parents followed me here to Connecticut. My brothers also got married, and their families currently live in Pennsylvania. Both of my brothers also have non-traditional work schedules, where one usually has to work holidays and the other could be called into work on a moment’s notice. So that all led to some ingenuity of how to celebrate the holidays.

Now, a week or two before actual Christmas, my brothers and I and our families gather at my parents’ house and exchange gifts, rank on each other, laugh a ton, and eat all the food. My children get to see their aunts and uncles and cousins (which, as of this writing, includes two canines and a super cute one-year old human), my parents get to have all of their kids and grandkids in one place at the same time, and it’s magical chaos, just like when I was a kid.

(To quote my Dad: here we are keeping with the solemn tradition of formal family Christmas portraits)

And, of course, there are the traditions that have been established in my own home over the years. One of which is to buy a Christmas tree, bring it home, and leave it outside for several days. This year, we might break the previous year’s record of 6 days. Another is to place the gingerbread houses that my children spent several hours decorating, on top of a cabinet at adult eye level. And then forget about them until well into January. And of course there’s the damn Elf on a Shelf, named Rico. Most nights, he moves…sometimes, he’s just “too embarrassed” by their “behavior” and doesn’t want to “tell Santa”, so he stays put for a night or four.

The most recent tradition that I’ve embraced is allowing my nine-year-old to be in charge of Christmas decorations. Put this under the category of Stuff I Used to Have Nailed Down But Now Lack the Energy and Will to Deal With. I have an extensive collection of Christmas decorations, including indoor and outdoor lights, outside inflatables, placemats, candleholders, nutcrackers, dishes, kitschy decorations, signs, garland, and the largest collection of holiday-themed dishtowels you will ever see.

My girl, who is undoubtedly the one person in this house who is completely in the Christmas spirit, doesn’t give a crap about most of those things. This year, she made approximately 350 paper snowflakes and taped them on the walls of EVERY SINGLE ROOM IN THE HOUSE. I kinda love it. She also arranged my nutcrackers in a group, without rhyme or reason, and called it “Nutcracker Village”. I had to move a few so no one would break their neck trying to open the pantry. And she incorporated her lego people, whom she has all named and identified as family members, into her decorating efforts.

And peace be with you, Lego fam.

Someday, these current traditions will be modified. Someday, once again, my decorations will be organized and put out in a timely manner. Someday, “Alternate Christmas” might not be a thing. Someday, Christmases may be quieter. So I’ll take the pile of nutcrackers, the legos, the paper snowflake decorations, the noise and chaos of the celebration with my siblings even though it’s not “actually” Christmas. Because, to me, it “actually” is what Christmas is all about. Family, food, and traditions, along with love, laughter, and things being what they are, regardless of how we want them to be.

My very best wishes to you and yours this holiday season, however, whomever, and whatever you celebrate.

I’ll be talking to you soon, and in the meantime…

Just Breathe.

The Twisted Maven

PS. I would LOVE to hear about your holiday traditions, celebrations, frustrations, anecdotes, and anything else you’d like to share. Please comment below, send me a message, and don’t forget to follow, share and like on social media!

Twisted Maven Intro Part II – I Know What I Know

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“Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance” – Confucius

What topics would you like to discuss and/or know more about? I’m asking you, dear reader, for input, because I have no particular type of wisdom that’s been bequeathed to me. I only know what I know, based on past and current experiences. And the majority of that knowledge is kind of limited.  For example, I’m a decent cook. I know how to cook for two, I can prepare of delightful buffet of deliciousness for a crowd, but I’ll be damned if I can figure out a single complete meal that four people who live under the same roof will eat on any given weeknight.

Other things I kind of know about:

I know how to straighten a house, and can surely help anyone with organization techniques. You give me a few days of your life, I will have you organized in such a way that you don’t even notice how organized you are.  Your closets, your office, your schedule, I will have everything within reach to the point where anything seems possible. At my home? Just shush. Do as I say, not as I do. I know where some things are, and that’s all I need to know. Until I don’t know where they are, and everyone better just stay out of my way until I find them. Also, please do not peek in my windows. It’s Level 10 chaos with some of my shit, a little bit of his shit, and then ALL of their shit.

I also know how to clean. Like, CLEAN clean. Before kids, my floors were so clean you could actually call the 5-second rule and not have any fear of harmful germs or debris leaping onto your chip that you dropped guac-side down on my floor. Then I got a dog, and realized that she was really good at making my floors appear clean.  Then, two kids and one dead dog later, I realized how disgusting my floors are on a daily basis. I periodically work to remedy that.

I can make some stuff. I swear I’ll be launching my jewelry Etsy shop one of these days (or years). I’m also a VERY amateur knitter…if you’d like a too-short or too-long or too-wide scarf with some dropped stitches in it, let me know, you can pick one out of my collection. Same knit hats. I’ve not had any formal training besides reading some books and watching some knitting videos on YouTube, and it shows. Anyway, I know a few kinds of stitches, and I tend to knit while I drink wine and watch TV.

Hat photo 1

(my first attempt at knitting a hat a couple of years ago…I am marginally better now)

I sort of know how to follow directions. If I purchase something that needs putting together, like desks, shelving, media stands, lamps, chairs, appliances…I can assemble the shit out of that shit, and usually with only completely disassembling and righting the direction of the parts once. Or twice.

Other: I used to know how to change brake pads on a car, but that skill hasn’t been tested in a couple of decades. I can remodel everything but the floor of a bathroom. I can rehab furniture.  I can tell a joke and I’m a decent storyteller. I can listen without judgement or interjecting, except to let you know that I hear you. I can make a room feel welcoming. I can keep two children alive and healthy and (mostly) happy. So far. We’re just entering the tween and teen years, so let’s reserve judgement on that for a bit.

There’s also a shitton of stuff that I CAN’T do or have difficulty with. Like moving through the world with anything that resembles dexterity and grace, seeing tasks and projects through to completion, having any conversation with other adults without an abundance of cursing, and making decisions in the moment, because I have to overthink absolutely everything ever. Just in case you were under the impression that I’m some sort of freaking superstar, I just wanted to gently remind you that I’m human.

All of the above wraps up into this: Despite my limitations and mistakes, and because of my knowledge and successes, I do desire to leave this world just a little bit better than I found it. Which leads me back to the question at the beginning of this entry: what topics would you like to discuss and/or know more about? Because yes, this is my blog, so it’s mainly about, well, ME, but I also want to know about YOU. My ultimate mission is being able to provide you with content that makes you smile, makes you nod your head in agreement, helps you feel understood, and helps you feel connected as you navigate this dumb thing we call “adulthood”. So please, leave a comment, send me an email (twistedmaven@gmail.com), share with your friends, hit the “like” button, and follow The Twisted Maven! 

Until next time…

Just Breathe.

The Twisted Maven