The Twisted Maven

Things You Need to Know, Child

“Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.” – Barbara Kingsolver

Frequently, I get the impression that my children are not listening to much, if anything, that I say. Now that they are in the tweenish and teen years, I spend more time talking to the backs of their heads as they are on their way to doing something way more important than listening to Mama.

Sure, they do still talk to me, but our conversations are relatively brief, during dinner, just before bedtime, the fleeting moments we have on weekends when they’re not with friends/playing sports/ignoring me like it’s their job.

Side note: we do NOT have significant conversations in the mornings, because all of us are pissed off about being awake and having to do the things.

So, how do tell them things? Impart words of wisdom? Show how much I love them? Remind them that I’m onto their attempts at bullshitting me? Instill traditional and my personal versions of motherly intuition and intellect?

On the internet, of course! Because years and years from now, these words will still be out there to remind them of several possible things: that I was the weirdest and most annoying mother ever; that I totally outed some of their and my own most embarrassing moments; that I foisted unrealistic expectations upon them about academics, arts and athletics ; and I was so overprotective because I always wanted to know where they were and who they were with and what they were doing.

All of which is kind of true, but I really hope they see my words and are reminded that their Mama always supported them, encouraged them, pushed them to be better people, accepted them as they are, and above all, LOVED THEM more than anything.

I’ve written a couple of earlier versions of this, when I was blogging for a now-defunct website that I so loved being a part of. But it’s time for an update. So, without further ado, here is a list of what my children Need to Know, now and always:

1. I’m not stupid. You have your tells, and I know them.

2. Those times when I’m super frustrated with the fighting/defiance/attitude and I threaten to run away…you should take me at least a little bit seriously.

3. I make mistakes. A lot. But I do my best to set an example by owning those mistakes and saying the words, “I’m sorry”. Understand that that simple phrase, when warranted and delivered with sincerity, can make an immediate difference.

4. Saying “I’m sorry” when it’s NOT warranted can be damaging. Don’t ever apologize for your intelligence, determination, sensitivity, opinions, or actions you take to help someone or better yourself.

5. If an intruder or a fire or other danger ever enters our house, I will take care of you. I have obsessed about this enough to have put everything physically and mentally in place to ensure your safety.

6. Stop trying to compete with each other about who my favorite child is. It changes daily, mostly based on which one of you is the least challenging. But honestly, I will always love you BOTH more than you can fathom.

7. I had the two of you so that you’d be there for each other when I am no longer here for you.

8. I love you both equally, but differently.

9. Birth order has something to do with it.

10. I acknowledge and respect your desire for privacy. But if I walk in your room while you’re changing and I see your butt, don’t freak out. I have seen your butt countless times before. I know what it’s capable of. Seriously, I’m your MOM, so just chill.

11. I’ve forgotten all but the most basic of math equations. And I mean, if you’re coming to me with anything more advanced than long division, just don’t. Oh, but do circle back to me with geometry and statistics, because that’s my jam. Bother your father with trigonometry and algebra.

12. I will never stop correcting your grammar, word pronunciations, and sentence structures.

13. Same for table manners.

14. Don’t give in to peer pressure to drink, use tobacco, share too much on social media, do drugs or have sex. Yes, I know that is a long list. And yes, I also know that I was not completely honest about things when you were younger (e.g., when you asked me where babies come out of when you were four, I said they explode out of the mommies’ belly buttons like KA-POW! with tons of glitter and musical accompaniment), but I will have frank conversations with you about those topics listed above.

15. Some of the items listed in #16 are not completely verboten once a person reaches a certain age and/or maturity level. As much as I’d love to stop time sometimes, I also want to support your growth and maturation. This is a tough one, because I want you confidently avoid things like alcohol, sex and drugs for the next several years and maybe forever. I don’t want you to experiment with these kinds of things as your form of teenage rebellion. I’d much rather you skip school to go to a concert or Ferris Bueller the hell out of a day.

But bad decisions and dabbling in what seems risky are often part of growing up, and I know that. Please just know that I am always, always here for you, and I will collect you from any situation that you need to be collected from. I’m only minutes away.

You also need to know that I did some really dumb shit in my teen and early adult years, so if you ever think, my Mom will never understand…try me.

16. Brushing your teeth is actually really important.

17. Take care of your bodies. Feed, exercise and treat your body properly.

18. My job is to keep you safe, keep you healthy, and to do my best to make sure you aren’t assholes now and in the future.

19. Keeping your ears open and your mouth shut will enable you to gain more in knowledge, friendships, trust and valuable advice than running your mouth ever will.

20. I’m not your BFF, I’m not even your FF or BF. I’m your MOM. Tell me what you want to tell me and keep the secrets you want to keep (but know that I ALWAYS KNOW WHAT YOU’RE UP TO).

21. The exasperated looks I give your Grammie sometimes? You’ll give them to me. But you need to know that she has always been the MOST IMPORTANT PERSON in my life, along with your Poppie. My goal is to give you at least as much support and love as they gave me…and if you get that, you are a very lucky child indeed.

22. I will always have your back. It is one of the best gifts my parents gave to me, and I promise to give that gift to you.

23. You are smart, talented, strong and beautiful and can do anything you put your mind to. Just please value your mind above everything else. Never stop learning and never stop wanting to learn.

24. I. WILL. ALWAYS. LOVE. YOU. MORE.

My goodness, you two were, and still are, so beautiful.

Until Next Time,

Just Breathe…

The Twisted Maven

THE PURGE

“Cleaning the house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing” – Phyllis Diller

My imagined view of any room in my home.

Here’s the truth, and you know it: most of us hold onto too much crap and allow our homes to become cluttered. It’s not something that happens quickly, but over a few decades of life. From where I sit, in my office, at my computer, I can see albums and boxes of photographs (none of which have are from the past decade); a full set of china on display in a cabinet (I didn’t want formal china, but I gave in to pressure from older people and registered for it when I was getting married) (by the way, the fancy formal china has been used maybe five times in the past 16 years), a bin of craft supplies, a stack of 500 index cards, 30 pens and markers and pencils, four notebooks, six different objects with imprints of my children’s feet/hands when they were infants, and about a million tchotchkes placed every other available surface.

That’s a lot, and that’s just what’s in front of me right now. I decided about a year ago that a huge PURGE was necessary, so I’ve been going room by room in this not-very-big house of mine. I was partly inspired by the KonMari Method, and partly by the legendary comedian George Carlin, who joked (I’m paraphrasing) that our houses are just a places to keep our stuff, while we go out and work to get more stuff, until we need a bigger house to store all our stuff.

Honestly, I don’t need more stuff. I need less. Sure, at times I’ve felt pressure to “upgrade” my home to something that is more spacious, more fancy, with more rooms and a larger driveway and bigger everything. But when I dig deep into my emotional well, I realize I don’t need a house with more or bigger or larger right now. I just want this house to be more organized, and I’d like to shed the stuff that isn’t needed or wanted.

As for the KonMari Method, it postulates that anything that doesn’t bring you joy should be discarded. From old college tees to kitchen gadgets to stuff you stashed away for future use; all of it should be taken out, examined, and either found an accessible place in your home or thanked and discarded. For the stuff you keep, it should be stored and organized in specific ways; for instance, t-shirts should be folded and stored upright instead of flat, and old boxes should be re-purposed as drawer organizers.

In the course of writing this, I have also discovered the concept of döstädning, or Swedish Death Cleaning. This decluttering method does not have all the rules and processes that the KonMari Method has. It’s underlying message is this: don’t leave a freaking mess of your things for your family to deal with when you die.

And although I have reached a point in life where I think every illness, pain and momentary physical discomfort signals my imminent death, which of course my internet searches confirm, I decided that I can hold off on the Death Cleaning until at least my next round of organizing and cleaning, after my kids are no longer kids.

But overall, I can get on board with the concept of purging my home of items that are unused, grown out of, and unappreciated.

Well, except for the clothes that I haven’t worn in a few or more seasons, but I swear I will if I ever don’t wear only the same 7 pairs of sweats/leggings during the colder months, the same 6 pairs of shorts during the hotter months and the same 3 pairs of pants that don’t reach my ankles during the in-between seasons (what are we calling them now? cropped? capris? clam diggers?). Along with my various graphic, athletic and regular cotton tees. And an occasional sweater.

One side note; the idea of discarding everything that does not bring me joy is a little…I don’t know…extra. Dustrags don’t bring me joy, but they’re necessary. The sump pump that prevents my basement from flooding doesn’t make my heart skip a beat, but yet, I need it. I view toilet cleaner with dread, but again, I can’t NOT have it.

There are some things that I’m actually good at getting rid of, such as dried up markers (on the day I happened to realize a whole bin of dried up markers resided in my living room), and pieces of paper. I recycle the shit out of pieces of paper, even ones that I really need but don’t realize it until approximately three minutes after the recycling has been taken out.

Um. That’s it, really. I have a lot of things of sentimental value, tchotchkies I’ve picked up along the way, kids’ artwork from birth until now that I’m loathe to part with, pens from every bank, hotel and vendor I’ve ever breezed by, notebooks (I have a thing for volumes of blank paper), random stuff that finds its way into my home and never leaves, and anything I’ve ever gotten for free. Or even for some effort.

I will also admit, I am a collecter (hoarder) of books; I love books. I love my hardcover books with their dustcovers intact that haven’t even been read yet as much as those that have been read multiple times with broken in spines. I love the ebooks on my tablet and I never ever delete any of them; I love my paperback books with their ratty covers and busted up spines and questionable debris smudges on the pages (pizza grease? coffee stains? boogers?). Bottom line: I’m keeping my books.

However, one of the things that the KonMari Method insists on is getting rid of books. That no home should have more than thirty. I’m sorry, but anyone who would put a limit on the number of books I have in my home can just take that negativity and go elsewhere.

So even though I won’t throw out books and I have a large bin of more broken and unbroken crayons than any human could ever use, I have made progress, using the TM (Twisted Maven) Purge Method. Which looks like this:

Any time that my schedule (and that means: when I’m not working, sleeping, schlepping children, or doing other shit) allows, I take a corner, a closet, or a section of a room, and I start tossing what I find there in different directions.

One pile is recycling. This typically consists of two-plus year old New York Times Magazines that I truly meant to read; random pieces of paper such as notes about appointments, tasks, draft drawings and cryptic messages that I’ll never figure out the meaning of (along with really important information that I need…see above); old single use water bottles that creep up on me my from my office, underneath car seats and hidden in a pile of mismatched socks on my dresser, and; anything else I happen to come across that has a recycling triangle.

Another pile is for designated Passing Along. I have family and friends with younger children to whom I can to pass along some really awesome stuff that my daughters enjoyed when they were younger.

Yes, there is a garbage pile, but I try to keep the amount of stuff that I straight up discard to a future in a landfill to a minimum. This pile consists of anything I cannot recycle or pass along. Mostly random crap like pieces of string, dried up play-doh, anything gotten by twisting a quarter for a “prize” out of a metal chute, and, well, garbage.

And then there’s the donation pile, which typically ends up being the largest, because I hold onto shit for too long. And although I have donated clothes and household items to large charity organizations previously, I decided to try to seek out more local sources for items I no longer want or need.

To that end, I currently have a job that enables me to bring in toys, books, music and other kid-friendly materials that are no longer or have never been used in my house. I get to enjoy them, in some cases, all over again, with super amazing tiny humans that aren’t related to me!

I have also found local Facebook groups can be key to turning your discards into another persons’ treasure.

There are local “Upcycle” and “Free” sites, but the one I like the most is my local “Buy Nothing/Sell Nothing” group. If you do nothing else with your life on the day you read this, please please check out if such a group exists in your community. If so, then JOIN. If not, then consider creating your own.

The concept is simple. If you have stuff you want to get rid of, post it on the site. If you have things you need, ask on the site. But what makes this a little different is the concept of creating a feeling of community, of offering up and asking for not just material objects.

Besides actual items, other things that can be offered/asked for on a Buy Nothing/Sell Nothing site: transportation for elderly/handicapped individuals, excess produce from a home garden, volunteers for a community clean-up, plantings for/from one’s yard, coupons for infant formula, pet sitting, event tickets, and so on.

In addition, I’ve seen people who have received items turn around and offer them back up when they are ready to pass them along. And, occasionally, people get to know and befriend people from their own neighborhood and beyond. And you can’t put a price on human connection.

Personally, I was able to find good homes for board games, kitchen gadgets, office items, clothing, and other miscellany. It also gave me an outlet to dispense some humor with my item descriptions. The feedback I received that I made someone laugh or smile meant more to me than ridding my closet of my purged items.

The items I didn’t have any takers on were bacon-muffin molds. They’re still languishing in my closet, awaiting the next purge round.

That said, I feel like I may have just landed on my first giveaway. I know and you know you want these bacon muffin molds. Send me a PM or comment below about why you deserve these pieces of magic more than anyone. I’ll pick a winner based on the messages that amuse me most, and will send them with no cost to you. I’ll announce the winner previous to my next post.

Take-aways: we accumulate too much crap. We should get rid of our excess crap. Someone else might be able to use our crap that we do not want or need. Give local. Don’t do a death purge until you’re reasonably certain that you’re actually dying…but then, only of old age.

Until next time,

Just Breathe…

The Twisted Maven

New Joy, Familiar Magic

“Joy, feeling one’s own value, being appreciated and loved by others, feeling useful and capable of production are all factors of enormous value for the human soul” – Maria Montessori

I have had a lot of different roles in my life thus far. Aside from familial roles, such as daughter, sister, mother, and aunt, I’ve had personal roles such as friend, grad student, friend-with-benefits, writer, runner, and coach. And aside from that, I’ve had numerous professional roles, many of which I have touched upon previously.

For those new to this space, a brief summary: I broke up with my former corporate career over 3 years ago. And while I floundered in some areas of my life, I did find purpose working with children as a teacher, coach and a team sports parent.

And I realized that I liked the person I was when I was teaching and coaching and spending time with children. After (sub?)consciously avoiding kids for two decades (even my own in some circumstances due to my so-called career goals), I came to appreciate how intelligent, kind, frustrating, creative, funny, stubborn and endearing children are.

I learned a few things working with kids, and being around my own kids more. I learned to be present. I learned to listen to what kids have to say. I learned how to pick up on subtle clues and ask pertinent questions in a classroom, at home, or on the practice field. I learned how to acknowledge good decisions and how to deal with less than desirable behavior and actions. And I learned that I should always be ready with a hug, fist bump, or high five for whomever deserves or needs it most, whether in my own family or as a teacher or coach.

So there was learning, there was processing, there was the thinking about what could, and should come next. And then…

While I was ruminating over what I could during the day, before my after school program obligations, besides sleep and think about maybe cleaning something, and continuing to struggle with the lack of structure for the majority of the daytime, I happened upon something.

In reading a humorous post by a local friend about what won’t get a person considered for employment (helpful hint: don’t brag that you were “gonna be a cow trainer” under Other Accomplishments), I found myself taking a moment to contemplate. For sure, I have never had cow training ambitions, so perhaps this could maybe, possibly, potentially, be something I could not only be considered for, but may actually be good at and enjoy.

That’s the moment when I felt the universe whisper to me to reach out, to take a chance that joy, purpose and stability could be within reach.

In part because I chose this place almost 15 years ago, and it chose me. I could clearly recall the first time I walked into this particular facility, and how I instantly felt the warmth, the creative vibe, the comfort, the positive energy, and love.

So I did it. I wrote a message, held my breath, and hit send. Fast forward through a couple of meetings, frank conversations, paperwork and more paperwork…and one moment when time slowed down. I was being shown around a second, newer facility, and I couldn’t stop smiling because of how comfortable, cheerful and inspiring this space felt. I mentioned those feelings to my potential future employer, and she looked at me and said, yes, you get the magic, you see why we do what we do.

That moment will stick with me for the rest of my life. That moment told me that this is absolutely right for me, right now. This was an opportunity to embrace something rewarding and fulfilling.

So I took a moment to appreciate what my former career taught me and say a respectful good-bye to it. I felt able to look forward with anticipation instead of backwards with anxiety. And then I dove right in to this new experience.

Now that it’s been over a month, I feel like it’s time to confidently declare my new occupation. So instead of sitting in an office, a cubicle, or worse yet, an “open concept” office space, rolling my eyes and falling asleep during conference calls, stressing over blown budgets, fighting for resources and dealing with corporate politics, I have been spending my time with…wait for it…

KIDS!!! Children. Toddlers. Babies. Pre Schoolers. And I LOVE IT.

The place that, years ago, I had chosen, that chose me back? It’s the childcare and preschool facility that my kids attended from infancy until grade school, while I toiled in an office miles and miles away.

I admit, I had an anxious passing thought that there was going to be some dark underbelly, some curtain that was going to be dramatically lifted to reveal an operation that varied wildly from my previous perception of the place. I, of course, created some pretty sensational scenes in my head…of preschoolers being made to darn socks, toddlers having to scrounge the waste bins of the restaurant next door for food, and one year-olds comprising the landscaping crew, while the directors sit in a red-lit cave/office, cackling while they gleefully count the gazillions of dollars, all in small bills, that they’re making off the backs of hard-working parents.

By the way, I don’t even know what darning socks is, and if it’s even been a thing since Laura Ingalls’ days on the prairie.

At any rate, I’m happy to report that NONE of the theatrics in my imagination come anywhere close to the truth.

The truth is, this place is exactly how it was presented to me as a parent some years ago. The people who work here, do so with pride and a level of care that is incredible. There really is so much love, ingenuity, vigilance, and thoughtful guidance for each and every child. I have only witnessed people doing their best every day to provide excellent care for children who aren’t theirs.

And now, that includes myself. I am delighted, surprised and gratified every day. I am grateful that I get to spend several hours each day with these small humans. I am enchanted by their smiles and their laughter. I am able to comfort them, nurture them, sing to them, read books with them, and do work that looks like play to teach them words, colors, numbers, gross and fine motor skills, and model how to interact with kindness.

Listen, contrary to what I (and perhaps you, too) once believed, life does not happen in a linear fashion. There is no if A, then B must be true formula outside of mathematics for most of us. Right now, I’m writing the next chapter of my life, and it doesn’t bear much resemblance to any of the previous chapters. I’ve learned to be okay with that.

For the first time in my life, I’m accepting that I honestly don’t know what life will look like a year from now. However, what I’m doing with my life right now is what counts, and I am finally making it count. I have gratitude, hope and joy in my life, which did come at some cost to my discretionary income, retirement plans and ability to travel. At the end of the day, though, I am not sorry about any of those things. For me, right now at least, smiles and satisfaction win over shopping and status.

March Forward, Women!

“There is a growing strength in women but it’s in the forehead, not the forearm” – Beverly Sills

The month of March is designated as Women’s History Month in several countries, inspired by International Women’s Day, occurring on March 8th. The day and the month are set aside to recognize of the contributions of women and to support gender equality.

The concept dates back to the early 20th century, when, in 1909, a National Women’s Day was observed in the United States, in recognition of the 1908 protests in New York City by garment workers against their poor working environment.

The idea spread across the pond to Europe and beyond over the the rest of the century, and in 1975, the United Nations designated March 8th as International Women’s Day.

This year, Women’s History Month honors “Visionary Women: Champions of Peace and Nonviolence.” According to the National Women’s History Alliance, “…the drive for nonviolent change has been championed by visionary women. These women consciously built supportive, nonviolent alternative and loving communities as well as advocating change.” I’ve been reading about the history of some of the women advocates, and it’s fascinating and inspiring.

The theme of this year’s International Women’s Day was the promotion of gender balance, in the workplace, in education, in communities, everywhere. Cool concept, right?

Although, if I’m being real, I don’t believe that kind of equity is not going to happen in the near future. While tremendous advances have been made with respect to gender equality over the past few decades, I fear that the current U.S. political atmosphere is going to do nothing to advance the cause of equality, and not just gender equality. In fact, I feel like it’s moving actively against it. I do hope, however, that we can stop the pendulum swing well before I get shipped off to the Colonies, and in time for my daughters to know greater parity in life than I have.

That said, this month and day needs to recognized, not so much as a celebration, but as a reminder to commit ourselves to lift one another up. A reminder that over half the world’s population is female, and therefore, the future has to be inclusive.

Pontification and politics aside, I would like to give a few shout-outs to the kinds of women who should be acknowledged during this month, as well as every single other month on the calendar:

The women working their way through post-secondary education efforts, whether it’s a technical or trade school, college, grad school or beyond. Those who are paying their bills and putting in their time, so they can make a contribution to the workforce as well as their families.

The survivors of sexual and domestic abuse, who were able to remove themselves and their children/siblings/parent from that situation. Also, to those women and girls who may not have a choice but to stay and endure, may they find the resources and strength to persevere and survive.

The women who provide knowledge, guidance and love and support to children who are not their own, every single day, as caretakers and teachers.

The divorced women who have every other weekend without their kids, and do what they want on those weekends off without guilt, knowing that when it’s their weekend “on”, there is no “off” button.

The women who are defying gender stereotypes in their chosen professions, whether as executives, blue collar workers, scientists, and everything else in between that has been traditionally male-dominated.

The women who have lost their spouses to violence, illness, or abandonment, who do their best every freaking day to maintain a healthy and happy household.

The women who have decided that getting married and/or having children is not for them. By the way, they have absolutely no need to hear, from anyone, that they’ll surely change their minds, else they will regret it when they’re older.

The women who stand up! The women who call out misogynistic behavior by their male co-workers, friends, family and strangers. Those who refuse to be bystanders, but rather, are stand-by-hers.

The women who are stay-at-home mothers, who decide to exit (or not enter) the workforce so that they can devote their time to their children and their household. As with the decision to not have children, this is not a situation to be judged or commented on.

The women who volunteer for schools, sports teams, libraries, and elsewhere in their communities and beyond, for the sole purpose of giving.

The women who disrupt! The women who put on pink hats and marched. The record number of women who have run for public office over the last couple of years, who are doing their best to tamp down the patriarchy. The women who start campaigns, take to the streets, address the government directly, and more, in order to defend basic human rights, women’s rights to biological autonomy, as well as our most vulnerable members of society.

The women who are unfailingly champions of other women. Those who mentor, support, and uplift; whether in academic, personal or professional settings.

The women of every day. The women you work with, are friends with, are related to. The women who ask if they can help you find anything while you’re shopping, the women who compassionately provide health services, the women who deliver food to your table while you’re dining out, the women who give you understanding nods and high-fives with their eyes when you’re struggling with a toddler tantrum in the grocery store, or a scornful teenager in a dressing room.

Please understand that this is by no means a comprehensive list of women who deserve acknowledgement. There are so many more that are occurring to me even as I write this, but this is at least a start.

So I ask you to take notice. See and understand the women around you. Notice the woman shopping next to you, who is wearing a beautiful skirt, and tell her. See the woman in the minivan in the drive through line ahead of you, and pay for her coffee and the muffins she’s getting for her kids. Hear the woman in your doctor’s office whose voice is straining as she’s being made to wait more than an hour for her appointment, and talk to her. Listen to your friend, who is saying she is fine, but her tone and body language is telling you something different. Ask the woman, who appears to be struggling with her packages at the post office, if you can assist her.

And kindly indulge me and thank your mom, your grandmother, your aunts, cousins, your best friends, and anyone else who has been an important woman in your life. Even if it’s a silent thought of gratitude, these are the kinds of women who have helped make YOU the undeniably unique, incredible woman that you are.

Lastly, I give you the words of A.A. Milne, speaking through Christopher Robin, as what you need to know about yourself: “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you know. “

Until next time,

Just Breathe…

The Twisted Maven

Staying Informed Without Becoming Disconnected – A Guide

“It’s easy to be cynical about American politics. It’s more important not to be.” – Andy Dunn

If you’re sort of like me, those clever social media algorithms have got your feeds chock full of political posts. Along with ads for products or services that you’ve only thought about in passing and then BOOM, there’s ads for clothing, skin care products, and men’s underwear that purports to keep the Senate and House high and dry and in their proper places alongside the Executive Branch.

If you’re actually like me, whenever you check your social media pages or email, you are barraged with the the crazy, unbelievable, shocking, mostly-true-but-sure-some-is-exaggerated, awful things happening in our society because of, encouraged by, or not discouraged by, the current U.S. administration. Or, if you’re on the other side of the political spectrum, how freaking awesome our current president is. (Personal aside: he’s not freaking awesome.)

And if you are me, you’ve found yourself overwhelmed by all of the information, but you keep reading, taking mental notes, checking sources, sharing, and before you know it, it’s time to make dinner and you’re so mentally exhausted that cooking something that doesn’t involve the microwave is just too much.

I have been thisclose to being burnt out on news and politics and social issues for longer than I care to admit. But my inner voice, my inner liberal, feminist voice keeps urging me to stay vigilant, keep up the good fight, and for heaven’s sake DO SOMETHING! But…what do I do? How do I do it? Where do I start? What can I do? I could seriously spend all of my time being an activist and advocate, but my family would be homeless and how would I get anything else done?

If you’ve been asking yourself any of these questions, regardless of the side of the political aisle you are on, please read on, because I’ve got some suggestions on how to stay informed and be an advocate for your social and political beliefs, without neglecting the entire rest of your life.

Seek out what amuses you.
For me, this is a big priority, as I wrote about recently. If I go a day without laughing, it’s a really bad sign for those around me. I have a couple of friends with whom I exchange punny jokes, other friends who send me hilarious memes nearly every day, family members who send me pictures and videos of what they’re up to (I have really adorable and hilarious human nieces as well as some adorable and hilarious doggos in my family), and groups and individuals that I communicate with in various forums who keep me informed, grounded and can make me giggle until I snort or cry or both.

Know your news sources.
Please do this. There is so much information out there, and it is easy to read piece after piece that you get yourself in a tizzy and can’t even tell what is fact and what is opinion.

There have been several charts in circulation that indicate where several news sources fall on the factual and political leanings spectrum, such as the one created by Media Bias (Google it!). If you want unbiased and thorough news, you can see which sources are the strongest in that area. If you want to read stuff that reinforces your personal, completely biased and narrow worldview, then head all the way to the right or the left (okay, but please don’t do that).

Personally, I stick with the as-thorough-and-unbiased-as-possible as my go-tos, as well as my verification sources for information I may read from sources outside that bubble.

Be present.
This isn’t very difficult, but it also isn’t very difficult to NOT be present. I’ve done it. I’ve read an article that someone has shared, based solely on the headline, then the comments on the article, then the comments on my friend’s post, then I’ve had to comment, and then counter comment, and then…well, you get the idea. So, I’ve been putting the phone down more. Being 100% present for whatever task needs my attention, for my kids, for actual conversations with other human beings.

Okay, maybe 93% present. Because there are definitely those moments when my kid is going on and on and on and on and ON about some minute detail of their day while I’m daydreaming about having a nanny to listen to these inane one sided conversations while I’m sipping cocktails poolside. But truthfully, shutting down the outside noise during family time has definitely benefited all of us.

Use your time wisely. Instead of getting into a heated argument with a person who is on the complete opposite end of the social and political spectrum with you on someone else’s feed whom you barely know, do something that actually makes a difference, no matter how small. The number of people who have completely reversed their thinking in a comment thread probably hovers around zero. And for crap’s sake, if you absolutely MUST comment, don’t call names and stick to facts.

So what to do? Call your local and state representatives and let them know how you feel about what is going on. Just do a quick internet search, and you will be able to quickly find information about contacting your politicians and where they stand on issues important to you. Also, seek out organizations that represent issues that are important to you, and contribute to their cause, be it through a monetary donation, signing a petition on their behalf, following any suggestions they may have to otherwise support them, or just be aware of what may happen to affect them and determine what you can do to help. These activities take minutes, and are much more productive than getting angry at a stranger or even a friend or family member.

Another thing to look for are local social and/or political groups. I was led to one in my community, and one of their priorities is to connect people with the causes most important to them, not sending everyone everywhere to do everything. So I let them know, my top priorities are women’s reproductive rights and protection of the environment. And that’s where my energies with this group are focused. Not all day, all the time, but a purposeful, focused effort, WHEN I AM ABLE.

Do something that makes a difference.
I’ve just started by sixth season coaching Girls on the Run in my community. And I can say that, besides passing my stellar genes along to my daughters, this might be the best thing I’ve ever done. Giving my time and attention to these kids has changed my life, and hopefully theirs as well. Now, this particular effort of mine is definitely a time investment, but there are other things you can do that cost minimally in time, expense, and effort, but that can make a difference.

For example, my kids and I do what we call a “reverse advent calendar” in December. Every day, my kids would open their Lego advent calendar, and then go to the pantry and find a non-perishable food item to put in a basket. After the holidays, we brought the goods to the local food pantry. It took seconds out of our days, just a little money out of my wallet, and about 15 minutes to drive it to the food pantry to drop it off.

In addition, my kids and I are planning a garden now, to be implemented in the spring, so that we can make a difference in our own lives by being more self-sufficient, eat healthy things, and hopefully gain an appreciation for the work involved and the reward of growing our own food.

Take care of yourself.
You should do this all the time anyway, but in case your soul is feeling heavy from what feels like all the insanity around us, and your body is feeling heavy from eating all of your feelings (guilty…sooooo guilty), give yourself a break. Take a yoga class, get outside when the sun is shining, make sure you get enough sleep, keep in touch with people, read good books, drink enough water, move your body and eat your veggies!

Do you have other suggestions for staying aware but keeping balance? If so, please leave them in the comments section! And please like and share!

Until next time,

Just Breathe…

The Twisted Maven